


Heavy at Heart

by xxstaindrosesxx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Death, Drama, F/M, Language, Romance, Violence, obesity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-06 12:25:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxstaindrosesxx/pseuds/xxstaindrosesxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine being seventeen and finishing your last year at Hogwarts. To top it all off, you're thrown into the middle of a war that has begun to infiltrate the walls of Hogwarts while you complete this year. Throw in a bit of teenage angst, clashing friendships, and the typical dramas one must go through. Now imagine all of that plus being overweight. Follow Genevieve through her challenges with obesity.<br/>-Neville/OC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I've Heard it All

**Author's Note:**

> I began to write this ages ago, and no, it is not complete, but I have 10 chapters for it so far, which is about half of the fanfic. I kind of lost my muse, so if you guys want to review, that would be great since I was definitely serious about finishing this fic. I just want to point out that I felt a fic like this needed to be done. There are always perfect characters, skinny, beautiful, and I think it's necessary to have a fic focused around someone who is overweight, to show that even they are human beings who deserve love and affection. I've even had people tell me that some of the stuff in this fic doesn't happen to overweight people, that they just don't hear things like that, and sadly, they do. I would know, and so if you are going to say it doesn't seem realistic, this is written from experience, so please keep that in mind when you read this.

**Chapter 1: I've Heard it All**

I’m Genevieve Poineau and I’ve went to Hogwarts for six years now. This is my seventh year and the problem is, I’m overweight. Technically, this isn’t a problem for me. I’ve come to live with being overweight. The problem seems to be with everyone else because I think I’m a pretty decent person. I do my homework, I try to treat others with courtesy, and I’ve actually grown to like myself. I try to wear nice clothes and put on a bit of makeup, but people can just be so cruel because I’m different.

When someone is overweight like me, I tend to hear every insult in the book. I’ve heard it all from “fat ass,” to “tub-o-lard”, to “go on a diet,” and even “drink a Slim Fast”. I’ll admit that the Slim Fast comment was pretty inventive, but it still hurt at the time. Most of the time, I just laugh at the insults people throw at me. I’ve heard them all, so they’re overused and lame. People can’t come up with anything creative like “You’re so fat, people run around you for exercise,” or “Every time you jump up and down, it causes an earthquake”. Those would actually be creative and might sting, but even then, they’re still pretty lame.

Another thing is, I may be overweight, but I absolutely refuse to turn to an eating disorder. I’ve seen what eating disorders can do to people, and to be honest, I wouldn’t want to look like that. I refuse to look like a sack of skin and bones because I have no flesh left on my body. Yes, I may have more curves than most, but it is better than having my hair fall out and looking half-dead because I don’t eat. In fact, I actually don’t eat as much as people would think. Sometimes I only eat once or twice a day. This usually causes my friends to ask me if I’m anorexic, but they should know better. I would never turn to an eating disorder. The real reason I don’t eat sometimes is because I forget, lose track of time, or am just too lazy to make something to eat. By the time I remember that I didn’t eat, then it is close to bedtime, so I don’t eat anything.

Just because I’m overweight, it doesn’t mean I don’t have friends. In fact, I do have a couple of friends. I consider them my best friends because they actually know me, instead of someone who has a lot of people around and they only like that person because of appearance. I would rather have someone like me for me, instead of being surrounded by people and still feeling completely alone. That’s why Luna Lovegood is one of my best friends. She’s in Ravenclaw with me, and she always speaks her mind. If she doesn’t like something I say or do, she tells me honestly, instead of trying to protect my feelings. I appreciate that because I grew sick of false pretenses a long time ago.

My other best friend is Savannah Leery. We have been best friends since our first year at Hogwarts. She is in Hufflepuff, but somehow, we’ve managed to tell each other almost everything and stay close throughout the years. This year is different though. Half of the Hogwarts students aren’t returning because Voldemort is on the rise. Parents are scared and mine almost didn’t want me to come. I had to reassure my parents that Hogwarts is the safest place to be during this time, even without Dumbledore.

Right now, I’m actually on the Hogwart’s Express. I’m sitting in the compartment by myself, reading a book. Eventually, Luna finds me and enters the compartment. She takes a seat across from me. “Hello, Genevieve Poineau.” She says, in her typical, dreamy voice. Why she always greets people with their full name, I will never know. I’ve grown used to it though.

“Hello, Luna.” I reply, closing my book. Ginny Weasley enters the compartment a minute or so after Luna. “Don’t you two usually sit with Harry and his friends?” I ask, usually never having the privilege of these two sitting on the train with me.

“They’re not coming this year,” answers Ginny. “They wouldn’t really tell anyone what they were doing either. Mum definitely was not happy about it.”

I assumed it had something to do with Voldemort, and I couldn’t ask anything further because Savannah entered the compartment. “Hey Gen!” She greeted with such enthusiasm. She always called me Gen, and in fact, most people call me Gen because it is easier for them to pronounce then Genevieve.

“Hey Savannah.” I reply. She sits down next to me and it’s like we’re one happy family in this particular compartment. Ginny usually isn’t included in our group, but sometimes she does talk to us. It’s expected with her being friends with Luna. I’ve never had a problem with it actually.

After a couple of minutes of us talking about our summer, Neville decides to drop by our compartment. I’ve never had a problem with Neville. I don’t really know him, but I know that he is friends with Luna and Ginny. “Hello, Neville Longbottom.” Greets Luna. I try not to snicker because I still find it funny that she greets people like this all the time.

“Hello,” replies Neville. “May I sit in here?”

“You’re always welcome to sit with us.” Ginny states with a smile on her face.

Neville sat down quietly next to Ginny and Luna. This sight reminded me of Dumbledore’s Army. It brought back good times because I had fun in the D.A. I actually associate with other people then just my main friends. Luna was the one who convinced me to join. Once I joined, Savannah was close behind. She always had to do the fun things I did. I don’t mind really because I like including my friends in the fun things I do.

The trolley lady came around once we were all settled down in the compartment. I’ll admit, I do like sugary, sweet snacks, but I do like healthy food just like any regular person. In fact, I love vegetables, fruit, cheese, and even chicken. Everyone just assumes that I always eat junk food because I’m overweight. My real friends know better but occasionally, I enjoy sweets like most people.

“Anything from the trolley, dears?” The little old lady asks with her usual cheery voice.

I wait for everyone else to go first. Neville and Ginny look at me like they were expecting me to go first. I hate it when people assume that an overweight person has to get the food first just because they’re overweight. Savannah and Luna knew better. They didn’t look at me like that, and they actually went first. Savannah bought some Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans. I swear that girl has an iron stomach because she eats some of the nastiest flavored foods. Luna bought some Droobles. Luna seems like the Droobles type, even though, I’m not sure what the Droobles type is.

Ginny buys a couple of Chocolate Frogs while Neville buys three Pumpkin Pasties. When it’s my turn, I buy two Licorice Wands. I plan on saving one for later, although, Neville and Ginny probably think I will eat both. I sit back down and bite into one of the Licorice Wands. It’s black licorice flavored, which is my favorite. I just love licorice in general.

“Ewwww!” exclaims Savannah. “Nasal drainage flavored!”

I burst out laughing. “And only you would keep eating it instead of spitting it out.” I comment.

“Of course.” Savannah grins.

A loud burp comes out of Neville’s mouth. We all start laughing loudly except for him. “Good one!” Savannah exclaims.

“Righteous!” I add in. Some people do not appreciate a good burp.

“Excuse me.” Neville says, apologizing with his cheeks turning a light shade of red from being embarrassed. “I think I’m done eating and I still have a Pumpkin Pastie left.”

Oh here it comes. He’s going to offer it to me. The one who weighs the most usually gets offered the extra food. “Do you want my last one?” He asks me.

Bingo! I knew it. “No thanks.” I reply.

“Are you sure?” He questions, holding out the Pumpkin Pastie like showing it to me will make me want it. If a person says no, the other person typically presses it. It’s like they expect the person to take it anyways. If I refuse something, that person always double checks like I changed my mind within two seconds. This has been happening my whole life. Someone offers me food, I refuse, and then that person still offers me the food. I guess people can’t accept a solid no from those who are overweight when it comes to food.

“No thanks.” I state again. I hope he gets the point this time.

Savannah starts snickering for no apparent reason. I wonder what she thinks is so funny. Maybe a weird bird flew past the window or something. “What’s so funny?” I ask.

“Because he tried to make you take the food,” she answered. “I remember your whole bit about how people try to force you to take food just because you’re overweight.” Poor Neville. She’s going to embarrass the poor boy.

Sure enough, his cheeks start turning a deep shade of red. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he says. “I was just being nice.”

I simply shrug. “I’m fat. It’s fine,” I confess. “People always offer me food because I’m fat. I’m used to it.”

“You’re not fat.” Says Neville. Ah there it is. People who want to be nice to me, or try to be my friend, always tell me I’m not fat. The truth is, I would rather have them admit I’m fat then lie about it to my face. I especially hate it when I talk to someone who is skinny and that person says, ‘I’m fat’. If that person is fat, I’d hate to think what that must make me. I hate it when people say they’re fat and they’re really not. It’s even worse when they say it in front of someone who is fat, like me, and then tries to tell you that you’re not fat.

Savannah starts laughing. “What’s so funny now?” I ask. I swear that girl has the giggle button induced today. However, she does have a really infectious laugh.

“Well, I also remember how you mentioned that you hate it when people tell you you’re not fat. You said it’s like they’re lying to your face.” She explains.

“I really don’t think you’re fat,” he repeats. “I mean, I weigh a few extra pounds and I could care less. How much a person weighs has nothing to do with the actual person. It’s what’s in the inside that counts.”

Neville actually made a smile come across my lips. “Thank you.” I said graciously. He stated a very good point. People tend to care more about appearance than the actual substance of a person. Personality, morals, and inner beauty are more important than a persons physical appearance.

After a few more hours of sitting on the train, it finally arrived at Hogwarts. The carriages were waiting for students to fill them up. “I have to go find Alex,” explained Savannah. “I’ll see you guys later.” She took off and soon after, Ginny and Luna went their separate ways. I didn’t mind having to find my own carriage. They typically went off on their own anyways. Savannah usually rode with me but since she had gotten a new boyfriend, she had been a little more preoccupied lately.

“Want to share a carriage?” Neville asks.

“Sure.” I reply. I hop up into the next carriage and Neville follows closely behind. I can’t see the Thestrals pulling the carriage, but I know they’re there. Luna has told me all about them. It’s not that I haven’t experienced death in my life, I’ve just never actually seen somebody die. However, I have lost quite a few people in my life. I’m actually glad I haven’t seen any of them die. I think the thoughts would haunt me if I did.

“I really don’t think you’re fat,” confesses Neville. “I offered you the Pumpkin Pastie to be nice. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I know.” I reply. I smiled at him, knowing that he really didn’t mean anything. He wouldn’t be apologizing if he had actually meant anything rude by it. Someone with a non-guilty conscious would have never apologized. What confuses me more, is the fact that Neville is being nice to me. Maybe he likes me. Hah! That would never happen. Overweight girls don’t typically have guys wanting to be with them. Guys usually want that really skinny chick. I don’t get it and I’ve never had a boyfriend because guys tend to be more shallow. Oh well. Maybe this year will be different.


	2. Quite the Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here is chapter 2. Leave a comment please!

The carriage ride felt a bit awkward for me. I shift in my seat nervously since I always sit with Savannah in the carriages on our way up to the castle, but I understand that this year she wants to sit with her new boyfriend, Alex. At least we sat together and spoke together on the train. Some years, mainly before Luna became friends with Harry and them, I sat with her too, but now she sat with that group of people. To be honest, I never thought in a million years that someone like Neville would choose to sit with me just because he always sat with Harry or Dean Thomas on the train. He didn’t even sit with Ginny, but I was more than grateful for the company. It meant having someone to talk to while we approached the castle instead of sitting alone, which often made me feel alone too.

See, you can be completely surrounded by people, and still feel entirely alone, and there are times I feel that way simply because I’m overweight and people do not understand it. All my friends are skinny, or average, and definitely pretty in their own ways, but I don’t think I am. If anything, they probably think they’re better than me, even deep down or in the back of their mind, whether they say it or not. That’s what bothers me the most, that they assume they’re better than me because I don’t fit into the normal standards of body weight, but really, what is normal in our society today? It seems so many people are overweight, so why does it matter?

As I sat there quietly in my seat, trying not to glance over at Neville, I couldn’t help myself and decided to ask a question. No harm ever came from asking a question, right? “Can you see the Thestrals?” I ask since it seems like a legitimate question. He didn’t question the carriages moving on their own, and usually those who didn’t ask could already see them or at least had some sort of knowledge about the creatures. From drawings I had seen, they were quite ugly, but majestic in their own sort of way. I admire that, especially because something so horrible - death - allowed something so mysterious to be seen. Just another wonder of the magical world that I love. Not to mention, it also meant the most awkward of individuals could be special, myself included. It was like that saying about how people should never judge a book by its cover. Just because Thestrals are ugly on the outside, or I’m overweight, doesn’t mean Thestrals or myself are any less important then anyone else in the world. 

Neville’s gaze turned towards me and away from the window he had previously stared out of seconds before. “Yes, I can see them due to a relative passing away some years ago. Can you?” He asks me, his tone of voice displaying no sign of discouragement or sadness because of the relative he lost. Either Neville had moved on from the death, or closeness was something the two never shared. That typically made the most sense when someone died and the other had been so young at the time of the death.

I shook my head, unable to see the creatures, but at least knowing about them, and seeing them in drawings, was at least good enough. At least I knew what they looked like instead of knowing nothing about them at all. “No, I can’t see them, and I wouldn’t mind seeing them, but the only way to see them doesn’t sound like something I want to experience.” I mention, glad to never see death since the very thought of it scared the living daylights out of me, ironically.

Then it happened. Neville brought up the brewing war, how Voldemort was at Hogwart’s front door, at least metaphorically speaking. Things were brewing in the darkness that no one understood, and those who did were probably six feet under already and silenced for their knowledge. “With the war, I think more people will be seeing Thestrals soon.” He uttered quietly, glancing out the window as if focused on something in the distance. I didn’t blame him one bit. Death and war was enough to scare anyone half to death, and with the horrendous occurrences in the wizarding world at the very moment, and the whispers and rumors spreading like wildfire, no one was safe. Not even those inside Hogwarts, despite everyone claiming it was the safest place to be. No matter what, I had lied to my mother about being safe at Hogwarts simply to go back for my last year. I thought it was better to go to school than sit at home feeling sorry for myself while those around me were putting up a good fight. It only made me a coward if I stayed behind. By the tone of Neville’s voice, perhaps that is the same reason he chose to attend Hogwarts too, to make a stand. Besides, he had friends involved deeply in this whole process, including Harry himself, and Ron and Hermione since all three had not showed up for Hogwarts.

At first I had no idea how to respond to Neville, my pale fingers twirling around my long dark hair as I tried to think of what to say to him. What did one say in these sorts of situations? Telling him everything would be okay was a complete and utter lie because none of us knew what would happen. Only time would tell. “True, but that also means everyone who can see them can relate to each other and realize they united for a purpose, a cause.” I responded since it had popped into my head. The thought of being to see Thestrals with hundreds of other people who stood by my side during some horrific war, that felt absolutely amazing and special, and it hadn’t even happened yet! Maybe it never would, but the prospect sounded interesting enough.

After my statement, Neville glanced over at me, a look of surprise washing over his somewhat handsome features. Okay, so I thought Neville was handsome, but that didn’t make me a criminal, now did it? Sure, there were other boys in the school ten times more handsome than him, but most of them I thought were nothing more than assholes who dated the hottest girls in the school and referred to those girls as arm candy. Disgusting, if I ever said so myself. Something about the way he gazed at me caused a shiver to course through my spine. Maybe he understood completely.

“That’s true,” he responded with hesitation before carrying on, “but that’s a horrible way for people to come together.” He sighed, and I sensed something wrong with him, as if I had stirred up some past memory he didn’t quite want to think about. That was never my intention at all, but sometimes I had a way with words that not even my closest friends understood. While Luna had a habit of always calling people by their first and last name, or saying something ridiculous out of the blue in regards to one of the many creatures she believed in, I had a way of saying things that involved truth and wisdom. It annoyed the hell out of some people, including Savannah, but she didn’t think anything less of me for it. The Hufflepuff in her really shined through during those times.

“I know it is, but if people have to come together, it’s better for them to do so in a way that gives them hope.” I responded and had no idea what to say after that. If I kept opening my mouth, surely Neville would want nothing further to do with me. I have a problem with that sometimes. I don’t know when to back down and then it gets me in trouble, but I felt strongly about this. People came together all the time during disasters like hurricanes and tornadoes, even earthquakes. People bonded over death and birth itself, so I didn’t see how this was any different if multiple people were going to die and those left behind who witnessed the deaths could bond together over one common magical gift, no matter how horrid that gift may be. 

Neville smiled faintly at me for the briefest of moments. Apparently he did understand what I was trying to say all along. “I guess I get that. I mean, it’s better to have people bond over something so awful than have nothing at all when it’s all over.” To be honest, that sounded a bit like Neville spoke from experience, but I chose not to ask anything about it. It was none of my business, and although I had a way of saying things and pushing a bit too far, I knew when not to pry and ask questions. I knew how to mind my own business, and this was one of those moments.

After Neville responded, I noticed something missing from our conversation. The sound of gravel crunching against the wheels of the carriage and dirt being pushed away no longer sounded in the background. In fact, the carriage no longer moved, indicating that we had stopped. Being so caught up in the conversation, I had no clue our carriage had stopped in front of Hogwarts, ready for us to depart and enter the Great Hall for the beginning of the year feast and festivities. As much as I always hated being surrounded by a ton of food for people to glance at me questioningly as if I might eat everything in sight, I rather enjoyed watching the first years being sorted into their houses. I had nothing to gain from watching them other than my own personal amusement at how nervous they all looked, as if some might even puke right up there in front of everyone. If I had done that on my first day of school, I’m not sure I would have returned to Hogwarts, or requested to go home the very next day in order to avoid embarrassment from everyone.

As I was about to step out of the carriage, Neville stepped out in a hurry, hopping down onto the slightly muddy ground beneath. It had rained earlier in the day, as it often rained in this country. Sometimes I wondered why they didn’t build Hogwarts in a nice warm place like Bermuda, Hawaii, or Jamaica or something along those lines. At least then we could be outdoors more and Quidditch matches wouldn’t need to be played in some of the fiercest weather ever. Still, that was besides the point when Neville offered me his hand in order to step out of the carriage. Smiling, I took it carefully, hoping my had was not all sweaty, and hopped down into the mud. My shoes were going to track a bit of mud inside, but I didn’t care at this moment. Staring into Neville’s eyes for a moment, I had to tear myself away, removing my hand gingerly from his own. How embarrassing for me to act like a fool, but he had caught me off guard. I did not expect such chivalry from him, especially a boy in general.

Even Neville acted a bit awkward, smiling sheepishly from embarrassment before wiping his hand on his pants. I have no idea if he did this because my hand was sweaty, or his had become sweaty due to the situation. Scratching the back of his head momentarily, Neville glanced up at me, able to look me in the eyes after the whole awkward event. “I need to go sit with Gryffindor, so I’ll see you around?” He questioned before walking off slowly, not giving me much time to answer. Apparently he really was that nervous about helping me out, but hey, I didn’t complain. If he wanted to take off and find his friends, that was fine with me. Besides, I had to go sit at the Ravenclaw table anyways. No sense in delaying the inevitable.

Now on my own, I ventured into the castle and found my way to the Great Hall. I had taken this trip only five times before since first years took the boats over, meaning the path was a bit different. Still, this would be my sixth and final time entering the Great Hall in this fashion, and it felt strange, like a bit of dread forming in the back of my mind. My heart sunk at the thought of not returning to this place I called home for nine months out of the year. I had so many memories, and yet they would soon be nothing more than figments of memories unable to be recalled in the future. All the friends I made would soon drift away and probably forget all about me, but I hoped not. At least I had nine more months to make Hogwarts the best place possible, even though the war brewing outside made it likely that my goal would not be achieved.

Entering the Great Hall, I walked over to the Ravenclaw table and sat down. I noticed something strangely different this year. The tables for each house were half empty, students no longer filling the wooden spaces as they did other years. It was also incredibly quiet, as if students were scrutinized for talking in the Great Hall. That seemed foolish since every year it was the loudest place in Hogwarts, especially during the first night of the year. For it to be this quiet, with students speaking in nothing more than hushed whispers, my heart started to pound in combination with the sinking feeling from earlier. This really was going to be a war.

Spotting Luna at the Ravenclaw table, I sat down quietly. Despite the quietness and obvious dread filling the room, Luna’s expression remained as bubbly and carefree as ever. This did not affect her one bit, and if it did, she hid it well. Sometimes I wished I had her kind of innocence where nothing could ever phase me, not even the death of a family member. She had lost her mother before ever living through some of the most important years of her life. I had lost my own mother and only lived with my father, yet it tore at me every single day. All of the events she would never be able to witness - not even my Hogwarts graduation - it hurt to my very core. I missed her, and I had no idea how Luna managed to get by every day with the knowledge her mother was gone and still carrying such a composed demeanor. Of course, I didn’t go around moping and appeared normal most of the time, but there were moments when I thought of her or some event or something someone said reminded me of her. I just didn’t know how the girl did it.

At least sitting next to Luna I felt a bit more comfortable. The girl smiled at me happily, even commenting about the pudding she hoped to eat later. Glancing around the Great Hall, I noticed every house was just as empty as Ravenclaw, but I spotted Ginny and Neville sitting over at the Gryffindor table. The two were emerged in a conversation, and although they were friends long before I had ever met either of them, a pang of envy struck me like no other. I have no idea where it came from, but I was suddenly upset that they were talking, that I couldn’t be there talking to him. Maybe they liked each other. What am I saying? Of course Neville likes Ginny. She’s pretty and half of the boys in school are already crazy about her. Those thoughts coursed through my mind until Neville waved over at us, smiling briefly. That’s when I noticed something even more horrific about the Great Hall.

Snape was sitting in the Headmaster’s chair. How could this be? Snape hadn’t even been at Hogwarts as long as some of the other professors, and yes, Dumbledore had died, but Snape? Many people thought he couldn’t be trusted, and while I didn’t know the man, I didn’t particularly like his attitude towards others. He always looked at me strangely, as if judging me for my weight. He even made a small comment one time about how if I focused more on my studies instead of what I ate, that perhaps I would have better marks. So Potions wasn’t my greatest class at Hogwarts, but he didn’t need to say such things. He didn’t even know how I ate, so he had no right to say anything. However, that was besides the point at the moment. Snape treated a lot of students in a horrible fashion, and yet there he sat in the Headmasters chair. 

Shortly after most of the students entered the Great Hall and had settled down - not that much settling needed to happen with the already quiet room nearly deafening me - the sorting ceremony began. One boy in particular, a pudgy looking first year with blonde hair wrinkled his forehead once the Sorting Hat was placed upon his head. Sadly, it looked as if the kid was constipated and trying to go to the bathroom right there on the small stool in front of the entire school. It didn’t help that the Sorting Hat took nearly five minutes to make his decision before finally placing the kid in Hufflepuff. I was rather glad he hadn’t been placed in my house after the whole poop face incident. The rest of the students were sorted in no time, even a couple being placed in Ravenclaw. Usually every year at least five to ten students were sorted into each house, and this year it appeared to be only a couple. Enough parents were scared to not even send their children to Hogwarts. Perhaps none of the schools were safe though.

After the ceremony, Snape stood up and walked to the podium to give his beginning of the year speech, I nearly puked. Then again, his greasy hair was enough to puke over anyways. He rambled on about some of the same things Dumbledore usually spoke of like the Forbidden Forest being off limits to all first years. This wasn’t news to anyone other than the first years, but something else about his speech irked me beyond belief. He introduced two new professors to Hogwarts, calling them Alecto and Amycus Carrow. Alecto was chosen to teach Muggle Studies, the other, Defense Against the Dark Arts. Neither looked pleasant and I had my suspicions they weren’t qualified to actually teach at Hogwarts no more than Snape was qualified to be Headmaster. They were probably Death Eaters, but no one would dare speak up and try to say it to their faces. 

Luckily the speech did not last long, and then the food appeared. I had to admit, I felt pretty starved after only eating two licorice wands on the train ride to Hogwarts. I didn’t eat anything prior, and so I filled my plate, scarfing down as much food as possible before having to retire to my dorm. Besides, I could never sleep on an empty stomach, and with this being my only meal of the day, plus the amazing food Hogwarts had to offer, I felt I deserved the right to indulge. Of course, that didn’t stop a few students from staring at me, and even a couple of boys seated a few spots down from me from calling me a pig and then laughing about it. How original. Really, it was just pathetic, so I ignored them since it wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard before in the past. No way would I allow them to ruin my meal because they just weren’t worth it.

That had to be another misconception about overweight people. It seemed as if everyone thought just because you weren’t skinny that you couldn’t have good self-esteem. While sometimes I felt a bit down, other times I felt great and could care less what others thought about me or my appearance. They thought if they put you down, that you automatically had to get upset and cry like a baby or something. I thought it was so stupid, and tried to ignore them even further instead of giving them what they wanted. People got off on causing others harm and pain, so I chose to ignore it which seemed to only piss them off further. I had learned their tricks though, and so my self-esteem remained intact for the most part.

By the time I had finished eating, Luna had finished her pudding and looked even happier than before, if such a thing was possible. Still, the two of us were done, and instead of sitting around at the table looking like a couple of freaks, the two of us decided to head to our common room. I had considered saying goodnight to Neville, but with the thought of those two new professors at Hogwarts, and Snape in charge, I had a lot on my mind. Not only was Neville on my mind from the conversation in the carriage and in the compartment on the train, I was worried about what would happen to Hogwarts, my friends, and myself in general. It didn’t seem safe anymore, and as I went back to my dorm that night, thinking about all of this, I realized my last year at Hogwarts may not be safe or as great as I thought it would be after all.


	3. Study Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of weeks had passed since the beginning of the year festivities, and honestly, I can say, things are more dreary then ever. A few students have already left the school and returned home after parents received rather horrendous letters from their children which mentioned suffering abuse at the hands of certain professors within the school. I knew those Carrow siblings were trouble the very moment I laid eyes upon them. Amycus, the one teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, had seventh years performing the Cruciatus Curse on first years. As soon as I heard, I skipped that class session and didn’t care if my grade suffered for it. At this point, I had no problem missing that class or Muggle Studies to avoid either Carrow professor. While Defense Against the Dark Arts might be important for my NEWT level examinations, I just have the feeling at this point that there won’t be any examinations, not with things being so horrible only two weeks into the school year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated this in awhile. I figured a lot of people wouldn't like it due to the content, so I apologize. However, I have this fanfic probably half completed. I got stumped awhile back, and I'm not sure I want to continue it. Let me know what you guys think!

A couple of weeks had passed since the beginning of the year festivities, and honestly, I can say, things are more dreary then ever. A few students have already left the school and returned home after parents received rather horrendous letters from their children which mentioned suffering abuse at the hands of certain professors within the school. I knew those Carrow siblings were trouble the very moment I laid eyes upon them. Amycus, the one teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, had seventh years performing the Cruciatus Curse on first years. As soon as I heard, I skipped that class session and didn’t care if my grade suffered for it. At this point, I had no problem missing that class or Muggle Studies to avoid either Carrow professor. While Defense Against the Dark Arts might be important for my NEWT level examinations, I just have the feeling at this point that there won’t be any examinations, not with things being so horrible only two weeks into the school year.

Despite a couple of classes being short of fun, I still had other classes to attend. The other professors seemed to be pulling through, even if their behavior was anything less than exciting. I didn’t blame them, knowing what they must be going through, to be forced to teach in Hogwarts like it was a prison. They either taught or were persecuted for being a traitor. At least that was my theory since McGonagall and a few others like Professor Sprout seemed anything but happy. They were sullen, and lectures taught in monotone voices half the time. At least they tried to appear strong and picked up their tone of voice on occasion to try and help the students not be just as scared and worried as I could sense they were. 

Having other classes to attend meant I had homework. Although the Carrow siblings seemed to lack the ability to give proper amounts of homework or even teach the appropriate curriculum, the other professors did not. McGonagall assigned more homework than I knew what to do with, and I had this feeling she had only done this to give the students a sense of normalcy they were lacking with the war being at Hogwarts since the school was already infiltrated with those two monsters teaching at the school, if one could call it teaching. I appreciated the amount of homework though since it helped me keep my mind off of things. 

Since the first day of school, I had not spoken to Neville or Ginny. They weren’t exactly apart of the group I hung out with, but it seemed strange. Maybe I was being paranoid. I spent time with Luna and Savannah, and surely if Luna had heard anything horrible had happened to Ginny or Neville, she would have mentioned since she was closest to them out of the three of us. Savannah still carried on though, dating her boyfriend and driving me nuts with everything she told me had happened between them, even going into great detail about how her clothes had nearly come completely off. I didn’t need to hear that, and so trying to avoid Savannah and keep up with my homework, I chose to head to the library and work on my ridiculously long Transfiguration essay McGonagall assigned.

While most students sat in the back of the library to avoid getting into trouble since they goofed around, or even to make out in the back stacks of the library, I chose the back because people left me alone. For one, I had no interest in Savannah finding me at this point and telling me more about her relationship with Alex and how they had nearly done the horizontal mambo as she so cleverly called it. I had every intention of getting this essay done, and the only way to do so was to not be disturbed by people I knew. The people who might disturb me by causing trouble or even snogging in the back stacks didn’t bother me. I had no problem working through a bit of noise, but when someone was directly talking to me and going on about her boyfriend’s package, I just could not concentrate. As much as I loved Savannah, she really needed to know when to shut up and realize she was giving me too much info.

Entering the library, I walked past the librarian, giving her a curt nod, not that she cared one bit. The woman appeared to hate her job, probably from the years of scolding children from talking too loud in the library and kicking them out for doing who knows what. I had heard rumors of people even having sex in the library and shook my head at the thought every time. Libraries were meant for education and learning in general, most of all, research. People who wanted to have sex needed to go find a private room to do it in instead of interrupting those who wanted a friendly learning environment, not one that involved two people getting friendly with each other.

Finding my table in the back of the library, I tossed my bag on top of the table and quickly began pulling out my books, parchment, ink, and any other essentials I might need to complete my homework. I had no idea how long I would be in the library, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t have class for another three hours or so, which gave me plenty of time to get this essay done and over with. Then I only had three or more essays to go with the other classes I had to take this year for my career goal. People really did not understand the amount of work it went into certain things, and to become a shop owner, hell, it took a lot of classes just to own a shop! Sometimes I thought it was a crock of shit though considering the Weasley Twins had successfully opened a shop without even graduating Hogwarts, so maybe I needed to rethink this one. Okay, so honestly, achieving in these classes was just a personal goal, not really a career goal, but with being a Ravenclaw, I set my standards high.

Anyways, I began to work on my essay, skimming through my textbook and a couple of other books I had managed to scrounge up from other people, and began writing my essay. The material was boring, something about transfiguring yourself into inanimate objects for diversion tactics during war. There were rumors about Professor Slughorn being able to turn himself into an arm chair, but I had a feeling McGonagall was teaching us this in order to help protect ourselves during this war. Still, the material was pretty damn boring. How did one write an essay two feet long on nothing more than transfiguring ones self into an inanimate object? 

I felt completely bored up until I heard a familiar voice asking to sit down at my table. Glancing up from my ever-so-boring essay, my brown eyes fell upon none other than Neville Longbottom. I had not seen him since the first night at Hogwarts, and to see he was alive and well caused a bit of relief to flow through my body, so much so that I let out a breath and my shoulders slouched. I nodded to him though, allowing him to sit down at my table even though I came here for the quiet to avoid talking to anyone in general, but this was Neville, and he had not spent the past week or so annoying me with awkward personal conversations involving a significant other.

“Are you working on the Transfiguration essay? I can’t seem to find enough information for mine, and to be honest, McGonagall scares me just a little bit these days, although not as much as Snape.” Neville mentioned, placing his bag next to him and a couple of books on the table as he let out a huff of air. I had to admit, McGonagall was being pretty harsh these days, but with everything going on, I couldn’t exactly blame her. However, him being more afraid of Snape seemed logical, although rather hilarious in the process. To not be afraid of him was foolish, but at the same time, Snape looked like a greasy rat with his hair and the same outfit he wore all the time.

Nodding in response, I calculated my response carefully, bringing about that wisdom once more. “Well, I imagine she’s doing so in order to give us a bit of normalcy around here. She could be making up for the lack of interest the Carrows have in teaching us anything of value. I do have to say, Snape is pretty creepy though, but he doesn’t scare me that much, not even as Headmaster.” My explanation sounded a bit lengthy, but I meant every word of it. Snape looked like nothing more than a lost puppy dog - or a really ugly puppy dog - in Hogwarts. He didn’t seem to fit the role very well, while the Carrows enjoyed their new authoritative roles which allowed them to punish students as they saw fit. That usually meant torture of some sort, but no one bothered to stop them, at least not yet.

Neville frowned, his brow furrowing in worry. The dark green hopeless looking sweater he wore matched his expression perfectly, and at first I thought I had said something wrong until he spoke. “With everything going on, I have been thinking of using the Room of Requirement to hide students there, especially those under attack by the Carrows. My only problem is we don’t know how to get food and water in since it can’t provide that.” To say I was shocked by his confession was an understatement. To even dream of such ideas felt crazy, but it sounded like a great idea too. People needed a safe haven, and so far there was nowhere for anyone to hide other than the Room of Requirement, but eventually people needed food and water, meaning they had to come out of hiding just as soon as they went in.

“If I think of any ideas, I’ll let you know. I think it is a really smart idea though.” I smiled at Neville to try and cheer him up. I don’t know why, but he looked incredibly down at the moment. With that thought, I reached out and placed my hand over his own, which had rested on top of the table while he sat. For a moment, I didn’t think of the consequences, just pure comfort. Everyone at Hogwarts needed it these days, except those backing Voldemort.

To my surprise, Neville did not pull his hand away and looked at me with an expression quite blank. I had no idea what he was thinking, but it irked me to see nothing written on his face. “Thanks,” he uttered quietly before slowly pulling his hand away, which I didn’t take offense to since he didn’t do it abruptly. Usually people who were offended or disgusted made such faces and pulled away quickly, and Neville did not.

Then I noticed something else. Neville’s expression changed to one of what appeared to be confusion and hurt. “Sometimes I wish Harry would have filled me in on his plan, or included me in his decisions. I know I shouldn’t be thinking those sorts of things because he’s my friend, but they left. They left us all here, not knowing what is going on. I wanted to help, like in Dumbledore’s Army, and sometimes I feel so useless.” He confessed, his eyes staring down at the table, and for a brief moment, my heart went out to him. I could feel my own heart sinking momentarily, feeling the hurt and regret of knowing such pain. I had been left out in several situations in the past, although nothing as bad as this. I had no idea what to say, how to respond, until something came to mind without going through the normal filters I typically use.

“Everyone has their own path and purpose. Maybe yours is to be here at Hogwarts and do something great without them.” I shrugged and glanced down at my essay, writing a bit more since I still had my quill in hand. I didn’t want to make it sound like that big of a deal, but if it cheered Neville up, that’s all that mattered.

A soft smile formed over his handsome features once more, which I only partially noticed due to my eyes glancing up momentarily while quickly looking back towards my essay. Looking at him too much might give him some sort of clue that I found him handsome, and I didn’t want to suffer through the heartbreak of him turning me down flat or simply calling me a friend because of my appearance. That had to be one of the hardest things for me throughout the years. It seemed as if every guy who ever spoke to me and treated me as a really amazing friend, had no interest in me beyond that friendship. I chucked it up to all being about my appearance, and while none of them ever said such things, I just knew it. They had dated skinnier girls, and had no interest in dating me, even calling me a sister or a good friend, but not having any feelings for me beyond that. I knew Neville would feel the same, so why even get my hopes up? I already had those hopes squashed so many times that it didn’t seem necessary to put in the effort with Neville either. I would like him as a friend, and it would stay that way, no matter how hard it was with him sitting right there and looking attractive. 

Instead of addressing my comment, Neville chose to change the subject with a rather interesting proposition. “We should meet here sometimes and study together. It seems safe enough, and with everything going on, I could use the extra help in my studies.” He half frowned and smiled at the same time. Not sure if that is possible, but Neville did it. Unfortunately, I knew exactly how he felt. The overload of homework with this being our NEWT level examination year, and the professors trying to give us normalcy was already getting to me, and we hadn’t even reached a Quidditch match yet, or Halloween. Then again, I had no idea if the school intended on having Quidditch this year. There was no mention of tryouts since school started, and usually the Quidditch Captains for each house jumped all over on that opportunity as soon as the school year started. Developing teams had to be one of the most important things for them, and since I hadn’t heard anything, I started to think Quidditch was a no go.

“Sounds like a plan to me!” I exclaimed like a complete and utter idiot. Surely Neville would think I was a dork now, but he simply grinned at me as if he was amused by my sudden outburst.

Smiling broadly, I sheepishly started twirling my hair like I had done during our carriage ride up to the school when trying to figure out my response. Of course, I had my response already available, but honestly, I didn’t want to sound like one of those ridiculously giddy girls again. Sometimes I sounded like that anyways, but I tried not to. The only reason I even had long hair to twirl had more to do with my round face and the long hair covering it. People with fat, rounder faces really needed to have long hair to help that problem. One time when I had gotten my hair cut at a salon, the woman explained to me how fat people should never have short hair because it makes them look fatter. While most people would take offense, this woman was fat too, and so I understood completely. At least she knew what she was talking about instead of being some skinny chick opening her stupid mouth.

“We could meet up here whenever we have homework in the same classes that seems like too much.” Neville suggested, and I simply nodded. No need to sound foolish once more. The only thing we had to discuss now was which classes we had that were the same. After quickly going over that subject, the two of us then began working on our essay in silence, only asking each other questions when the other felt completely lost. It made time fly by quicker, and my essay felt more full as if I had more information than I would have by doing it alone.

Within the weeks that followed, Neville and I spent significantly more time together. The librarian began to smile brightly at us, more like frown as happily as possible, if such a thing existed. Maybe she thought the two of us were dating, and I had to admit, I wondered the same thing. We met in the library at least two or three times a week now after our initial agreement, and things moved along swiftly. While we didn’t speak too much due to the homework load, we had very little to talk about other than the actual homework assignments. That was until Neville asked me something I would never forget.

“Do you think Luna is interested in me?” The question hit me in the chest, just like a sharp blow from a fist. I had no idea why he would be interested in Luna other than the obvious Dumbledore’s Army association and general connection to Harry and his other friends, but for him to ask such a question, well, it hurt. I thought maybe he wanted to be more than friends, and yes, I had promised myself not to get worked up and think such thoughts, but maybe just once someone could be different. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. 

What I did next, I really had no excuse for my reaction other than my own obvious hurt feelings. Perhaps I should have spoken up, but call me foolish, I had typical romantic fantasies of boys being chivalrous when it came to asking a girl out and showing their affections. “If you’re hinting at me asking Luna, you can do so yourself. Quite frankly, I don’t think she has time to worry about such things since her father is taking such slack for what he’s published about Harry in the Quibbler.” I responded sharply with a hint of anger in my voice. Instead of acting like a rational sane individual, I picked up my belongings and quickly shoved them into my bag. This study session was over, even if I appeared to be a fool. I didn’t have the emotional strength to be around him after his question, even if it was nothing more than a question.

Neville appeared startled by my outburst, which I expected nothing less. He stood up just as quickly as I had, but stood in place. I could sense he debated whether or not to follow in suit, but he looked confused more than anything. “Did I say something wrong? I wasn’t implying you should ask Luna anything.” The last half of his sentence became rather low in volume, as if he now felt guilty for his previous question, which did indicate he had every intention of me speaking to Luna for him.

Instead of causing any further damage or making a big scene in the library to irritate the librarian even more than she appeared every other day out of the year, I simply finished gathering up my items and flung my bag over my shoulder. “No, I just need to get going. I forgot I was going to meet Savannah in a bit so she could tell me more about Alex.” I rolled my eyes at the thought and flashed Neville a fake smile before leaving the library. Perhaps I came off as incredibly bitchy and moody, but he had upset me. I got my hopes up, and look where it got me. Neville had feelings for Luna, and not me, not even after all the time we had spent together.

With my lie lingering there in the air, I walked out of the library. Little did I know that Neville would see Savannah without me shortly after the incident. If the war slowly brewing inside the walls wasn’t bad enough, my life had started to become rather dramatic, more so than I ever intended it to be. Unfortunately, overweight girls just don’t win the guy. I can’t believe I thought someone might like me.


	4. Avoidance Leads to Fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had every intention of not speaking to Savannah after the incident with Neville, mainly because I had no interest in explaining to her what had happened, and no interest in listening to her discuss her endeavors with her boyfriend. I managed to avoid her for a couple of days, but as those days passed, my mood started to progress even further. Neville glanced at me from across the Great Hall during meal times, yet I ignored him. I had no idea why I had to be so rude, but pretending not to see him look, that was better than him knowing I was intentionally ignoring him. Every time he glanced my way, I quickly cast my eyes in a different direction and spoke to Luna about something unimportant or asked her a question. At least then it appeared as if maybe Luna had asked me a question and I was simply answering her.

I had every intention of not speaking to Savannah after the incident with Neville, mainly because I had no interest in explaining to her what had happened, and no interest in listening to her discuss her endeavors with her boyfriend. I managed to avoid her for a couple of days, but as those days passed, my mood started to progress even further. Neville glanced at me from across the Great Hall during meal times, yet I ignored him. I had no idea why I had to be so rude, but pretending not to see him look, that was better than him knowing I was intentionally ignoring him. Every time he glanced my way, I quickly cast my eyes in a different direction and spoke to Luna about something unimportant or asked her a question. At least then it appeared as if maybe Luna had asked me a question and I was simply answering her.

While I ignored Neville, my mood turned even more sour, and Savannah began to notice, despite my efforts to ignore her as well, although I referred to it as avoidance. I often felt her hazel eyes prying down on me from the Hufflepuff table, and when I spotted blonde hair waving in the distance, I turned the other way and pretended not to notice for fear it might be Savannah. Unfortunately, my efforts were not worthy enough of permanence. As I walked down the hallway coming back from one of my classes, Savannah managed to catch up to me. Kind of inevitable when we had the same Charms class together. At least Flitwick seemed remotely cheery, quite unlike myself at the moment.

“Are you really going to try and avoid me? Come on, I’m like the queen of avoidance here. I once ignored Alex for an entire week before he got the message, and even then he was completely clueless to a certain extent, so if you’re trying to ignore me, it’s not going to work. I can sense something is wrong. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine, but I will try to pry it out of you, so you might as well just confess.” Savannah let out one big sigh as she ended her little rant. Little did she know, I could care less about her ignoring Alex for a week during one point and time. All of her attention focused on Alex ever since we arrived at Hogwarts, and now she wanted me to talk to her? To tell her what was wrong? I didn’t want to tell her, but I knew she would pry. That’s just the kind of person Savannah had always been. While the Hufflepuff in her reigned supreme by trying to talk to her friends about problems, I often wondered why she was placed in the house of the Badger for that kind of behavior at the same time. She may have been incredibly loyal to people at times, but often her personality screamed that of a Slytherin, and I hated it.

“Ignore you? I think you need to restate that. You’re the one ignoring people ever since you started dating Alex, so perhaps you should just mind your own business instead of interfering with my life. Go interfere with his.” I shot back and knew automatically she would throw a fit and some sort of scene. Savannah had a very explosive personality at times, and often burst out with the first thing to pop into her mind, while I tried to contemplate what I said before speaking, even if at the moment I had a hard time keeping up with my own behavior due to being emotionally retarded at this present time.

Savannah actually took a step back, and for one moment, I thought she might snap her finger and give me a ‘bitch please’ or something along those lines. Instead, she snapped right back at me, not helping the situation one bit, but that was just Savannah. She may be my best friend, but sometimes I wondered why I put up with her. Other people had asked me the same thing, and I told them someone had to do it. Maybe that made me an awful person, but I just didn’t care.

“Excuse me? I can’t help it that I have a boyfriend and you don’t. It’s not my fault that guys are shallow and don’t want to date fat chicks. Yes, I said it. Guys don’t want to date fat chicks, but it’s not like you try to lose weight either. If you want to be jealous, you have no one to blame but yourself.” Savannah snapped back at me and every word of it hurt. While I merely stated how I felt, she took it to a whole other level by using the fat card on me. I can’t believe my best friend had just said this to me. For a moment all I did was stand in the hallway in complete and utter shock, the words stinging me to my very core. By the time I recovered, the only thing that came to mind was anything short of a comeback.

“Fuck you!” I shouted back at her and stormed down the hallway, even though every essence of my being wasn’t even angry at the moment. While she had surely pissed me off with her words, another part of me actually believed them, even more so coming from my best friend. I knew it wasn’t true though, but I just couldn’t help myself, digging that hole even deeper. I already felt horrible about the Neville situation, which seemed so silly since I swore I wouldn’t get my hopes up, and that’s exactly what I did. Now this, I had no idea what to think or do. Savannah and I had some fights in the past, but she never turned to using any fat comments for her arguments. 

Savannah did not understand. I struggled with my weight all my life. Trying diets and exercising didn’t work. Even drinking water and no sugary drinks had hardly any affect either. People assumed I was fat due to being lazy, and while I didn’t get nearly enough exercise, whenever I did, and ate nothing but salads for a week, not even that helped me. I accepted long ago that I would be fat for life, and I thought Savannah had too, but apparently not. Now I had to rethink whether or not she was my best friend. Maybe Luna could give me some insight into all of this, but I didn’t feel like talking to anyone at the moment. Luna might be my friend, but I knew for a fact she would have very little to say, or say some comment that made absolutely no sense. That’s just how she worked, and I accepted that, unlike other people who had failed to accept me for me.

As I hurried back to the Ravenclaw Common Room, I wanted to head straight up to my dorm and simply toss my bag onto the floor, letting the books hit the floor with the bang. However, people in the common room were carrying on about something, throwing a fit and gossiping about some students and something major that had just happened. Deciding to listen in, I heard a couple of names mentioned that I knew all too well. Apparently Luna, Neville, and Ginny had tired to steal the sword of Gryffindor from Snape’s office. A group of third years, who I had overheard explaining this, made sure to start questioning what kind of punishment Snape would give them. One snotty blonde haired boy sneered and sounded cocky as he come up with some elaborate scheme, claiming Snape would simply sick the Carrows on them since they were already punishing first years with the Cruciatus Curse. No sooner then I heard the news did Luna walk right into the common room, looking as normal as ever. 

Not even Luna’s clothes appeared disheveled as I hurried over to her in order to discover the real truth instead of listening to the ramblings of some idiotic third years who liked nothing more than gossip and rumors. “Luna!” I exclaimed in a hushed whisper. “Are you alright? What happened?”

Glancing up at me with dreamy eyes and a smile, Luna’s face glimmered fearlessly. “Oh nothing too important.” She responded in that hushed tone of hers. “Neville, Ginny, and myself tried to take the sword of Gryffindor from Snape’s office since we feel it belongs to Harry, and we were caught. Professor Snape was very reasonable and only gave us a detention. Perhaps he is not as bad as people say.” Luna smiled, blinking momentarily as she looked at me, almost in a scrutinizing manner, perhaps trying to decipher if I needed further information, or how I might react to the news. How she remained so calm and yet carried on about Snape being nice was beyond me.

I don’t care if Snape gave them all hugs and kisses for their efforts. What they had done was beyond dangerous, and perhaps the fact Luna and Neville didn’t think to include me stung a bit. While I understood Ginny having no interest in talking to me since she was mainly friends with Luna and Neville, Luna not asking me to help hurt, while Neville, well, I hadn’t exactly been on the best of terms with him lately. “Maybe if you had a fourth person there to keep a lookout, you wouldn’t have been caught.” I nearly scolded her and felt horrible about it the next minute. With Luna’s innocence, it seemed wrong to ever say anything rude to her, but I couldn’t help but feel a bit left out. 

My snide remark had no affect on Luna as she simply tilted her head to the side a little as if some foreign creature examining an unknown entity on Earth for the first time. “Are you mad at me?” She inquired, her tone of voice even and non-judgmental. How she was able to stay so calm and not curse people for their behavior towards her throughout the years, was a miracle. People treated Luna rather poorly, calling her Loony Lovegood and hiding her possessions around the school. She claimed it was in good fun, but I knew otherwise. Maybe she realized there was no point in worrying about such things.

Letting out a sigh, I knew there was no point in being upset further about not being included. Besides, the real reason I was upset stemmed from Neville and the fight with Savannah. No need to bring Luna into this too. “No, I’m just upset about a fight I had with Savannah, and a few other things.” At least by speaking to Luna, I didn’t feel the need to hide things. She didn’t judge me, although she had very little to say either.

“You should speak to Neville. I believe he is very fond of you.” Luna smiled as she suddenly knew what I was upset about. To say it caught me off guard would be an understatement, but somehow Luna picked up on more than anyone I had ever known. While people thought her to be childish and naïve, they lacked the truth about the Ravenclaw. Her quiet demeanor and often dream-like dazes led to her picking up on her surroundings more than most. Maybe I was the only person to ever realize this, so when she said that to me, I was caught off guard, but not entirely. 

“Hah!” I uttered under my breath in disbelief. No way in hell did Neville fancy me. If only Luna knew the question he had asked me that led to this mood I was in right now. No doubt, Neville had mentioned it to her, how I was ignoring him the past few days. He probably wanted a bit of insight into my behavior, and if anyone knew, it would be Luna due to us sharing the same house and being friends and all. Lame on his part though. Boys had no concept of the rules when it came to girls. Girls did not go around telling boys how their friends felt unless to seek revenge on that friend or because they thought the boy might genuinely like said friend and hope to hook the two of them up. Luna knew better, and so even if Neville had mentioned something, I was sure Luna kept her mouth shut.

Instantly dropping the topic, Luna said nothing further on the matter. Instead, she reached out and took my hand into her own, which caused a few giggles to burst from the third years in the room who were heatedly gossiping only a few moments ago, even more so when Luna entered the common room. I wondered why they were Ravenclaws as I felt a bit awkward by her gesture, but she appeared to be leading me somewhere. That had to be good, right? I just hoped she had no intention of leading me towards Neville.

Descending several flights of stairs, I soon realized our destination was none other than The Great Hall. To my surprise, The Great Hall looked a bit different, or at least the stone wall on the left side of the entrance. Written there in letters, which appeared black in nature, as if one had burned them into the wall, was the words “Dumbledore’s Army is still recruiting”. My mouth dropped open, only to be pulled right back up and formed into a smile. Dumbledore’s Army was one of the best things to ever happen during my years at Hogwarts, and during my sixth year, there had been talk of reforming the group. Harry had no intention of doing so, which left the group disassembled. However, with Harry not here, apparently someone wanted to start up again, and had chosen to do so by the wording “is still” in their sentence. 

Luna glanced up at me with a dreamy smile which broadened as soon as she noticed the huge grin plastered across my own face. While I had typical teenage issues to deal with in regards to Neville and Savannah, this one moment was going to define a few of us forever. “Neville wants to start Dumbledore’s Army again. Are you in?” Luna asked, her grin turning almost mischievous. A part of her had this planned. I knew that now.

“Of course!” I exclaimed before laughing whole-heartedly at the prospect of being apart of something so special once more. While I didn’t exactly fit in according to the standards of certain people, Dumbledore’s Army gave hope to students who fell outside the norms. We belonged, and the thought of starting it all back up again, to defend ourselves in these dark times and be united once more, how could I say no? 

Even with Savannah and I not being on the best of terms, I knew she would want to rejoin as well since the two of us had a blast last time. We knocked each other’s socks off so many times we lost count and laughed every single time at how stupid we looked falling straight on our arses. Maybe with Dumbledore’s Army back in the picture, Savannah and I might move past our heated spat, no matter how much her words hurt me at the moment. Then there was Neville, who probably placed the words on the wall. He would lead us, and while I still felt upset about his question and him possibly liking Luna, this gave me the opportunity to try and move past all of this. At least something good had come from this day.

“I’m in.” I smiled down at Luna before turning my eyes up towards the wall once more and absorbing the words and their powerful meaning. They gave me strength and made me feel as if the rest didn’t matter at the moment.


	5. Amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since I gazed upon those words on the wall when Luna showed them to me, I waited impatiently for my Dumbledore’s Army coin to activate, to signal our return and our first meeting. A week had passed and yet our coins did not activate. For the shortest of times, I believed Luna or whoever wrote the words may have been playing a trick on me, but no one would go to great lengths to play that kind of a trick on someone. The only people I ever heard of doing such elaborate pranks was the Weasley Twins, and they had long left Hogwarts to create their own successful shop. No one at Hogwarts now had the guts to do such a thing, and so my thoughts were purely my own. Besides, no way would Luna ever lower herself to such standards, or devise some schemes. She may be a bit naïve and in her own world, but that’s precisely why she didn’t have the nerve to do something, especially to me. Everyone pulled pranks on her, not the other way around.

Ever since I gazed upon those words on the wall when Luna showed them to me, I waited impatiently for my Dumbledore’s Army coin to activate, to signal our return and our first meeting. A week had passed and yet our coins did not activate. For the shortest of times, I believed Luna or whoever wrote the words may have been playing a trick on me, but no one would go to great lengths to play that kind of a trick on someone. The only people I ever heard of doing such elaborate pranks was the Weasley Twins, and they had long left Hogwarts to create their own successful shop. No one at Hogwarts now had the guts to do such a thing, and so my thoughts were purely my own. Besides, no way would Luna ever lower herself to such standards, or devise some schemes. She may be a bit naïve and in her own world, but that’s precisely why she didn’t have the nerve to do something, especially to me. Everyone pulled pranks on her, not the other way around.

In fact, I hadn’t spoken to Neville since he asked me the question in the library, same with Savannah and our fight. While I waited for the activation, I had only spoken to Luna throughout the days while I attended classes and completed my homework assignments on time. Even then, conversations with Luna were limited. With Luna off in her own little world, and spending time with Ginny and Neville, I didn’t exactly speak to her during those instances, but it did occur to me that the best way to speak to all of them would be to simply come to my senses, but a stubborn streak was in me. I couldn’t apologize because I did nothing wrong. Neville was the idiot in this situation, and until he came to his senses, I had no intention of speaking to him, the same with Savannah. 

I couldn’t sit around and wait forever for something to happen, so I attended classes regularly. Wearing my regular Ravenclaw school robes, I entered History of Magic and sat down in the back of the class. First of all, I really hate Professor Binns. He sits - well he hovers - and rambles on about the most pointless events in all of magical history. No one cares about troll wars or anything equally boring, yet he expects us to write essays two or three feet long on events he talks about for brief moments in time. I’m sure today will be no different then any other day, so I choose to sit in the back, arriving early compared to everyone else. Only a couple of other students are sitting there, and they already look half asleep. One in particular is reading some form of book, probably nothing education though.

As I sat there, I stare into the abyss, thinking of nothing particular. That’s when I catch a glimpse of blonde hair out of the corner of my eye. While a lot of students at Hogwarts have blonde hair, none is quite like Savannah’s. She is blonde, but with one dark brown streak in the front. She told me she was born that way, and I accepted that information as such, but who really knows. As soon as I saw her, I glanced away, but that did no good. Savannah walked right over to my desk and sat down next to me, plopping her books down on the table with a thud as she looked directly at me. Of course, she had to cause a scene and gain attention from everyone, most importantly, me. This was how she always did things, especially if she was pissed at someone.

“So are you going to keep avoiding me or are you going to pull that stick out of your ass?” Savannah asked in a detestable voice before sitting down right next to me. I thought she had some nerve saying that to me after what she had rudely said to me during our heated spat. It showed on my face too, and I scoffed, unable to help myself. 

However, I quickly snapped out of my irritated mood, forcing my face to fall flat and tearing my eyes away from the very sight of her. Turning to the front of the class, I focused my eyes on Binns, and the objects I could see right through his translucent body. If Savannah wanted to play the victim in all of this, then I would simply ignore her like she accused me of. Truthfully, I was avoiding her, but only because I felt she needed to apologize. I had done nothing wrong. She pushed me to try and talk to her about what happened, and then made some insults about me being fat and not trying hard enough. What kind of a best friend did that? No way in hell was I letting her off the hook, and here it was all my fault?

“So now you’re going to just give me the silent treatment? That’s real mature, Gen.” Savannah snapped at me, and I could sense by the tone of her voice and how she was acting that she probably rolled her eyes at me too. That’s just the way Savannah worked. I, on the other hand, managed to remain calm and began listening to Binns. At least with the start of class, Savannah would quiet down and lay off a bit for risk of getting in trouble, even if Binns was just a ghost. He still had the ability to assign detention though.

Sitting through Binns class was complete and utter torment. Not only did I have to take notes on the Elf Wars, I had to force myself to not glance over at Savannah every waking minute of the class that dragged on. By the time it was all over, I nearly wanted to call a truce and head back to my dorm just to get started on the essay Binns assigned us. Unfortunately, Savannah stood up as I placed my things back in my bag and started to throw a childish fit.

“You’re really not going to move past this are you?” She questioned me, which nearly caused me to laugh. I could move past it if she simply apologized.

Shoving the rest of my belongings into my bag and tossing it over my shoulder, I stood up and stared at her directly, my eyes piercing into her very own. “Should I even try? It’s not as if I try to lose weight or do anything, you know.” I rolled my eyes, my voice oozing with sarcasm as I tried to dart for the door. No luck though. Savannah started to follow after me. She didn’t know when to call it quits and give up, that was for sure.

“Oh come on. You know I didn’t mean any of those things I said!” She exclaimed as I slowed down since I knew there was no point in trying to run from her. Savannah was faster than me, skinnier than me, and quite capable of outrunning me if I even dared try to run, which I wouldn’t. Fat people didn’t belong running, which was another thing people often commented on. They tried to get me to do things that involved running, and when I said fat people don’t run, they looked at me quizzically. Long story, but back to the point.

I heard Savannah’s footsteps behind me, so instead of avoiding the inevitable, I turned right around and glared daggers at her. “You don’t get it do you? You’re supposed to be my best friend and you said something that I never expected you to say. Then you show no remorse like it’s no big deal. At least when I brought up you spending too much time with Alex, I was being honest.” I lowered my voice instead of shouting like a lunatic in the middle of the hallway for all those around me to listen in and see. I had enough common sense to not cause debacles for rumors and gossip to spread around the school like wildfire, and trust me when I say it would.

Savannah stood there in shock, her face full of guilt, even if she would never admit it. Her shoulders slouched, her eyes cast towards the floor before finding the courage to look at me once more. “Fine. I’m sorry,” she uttered quietly and in that moment, I knew that would be as close to an apology as I would get, even if it did sound a bit forced and insincere. “Besides, I broke up with Alex.”

Okay. That one I did not see coming from a mile away. One minute we’re having fights about her spending too much time with him, and the next she’s not even dating him. While I didn’t think it was due to me saying anything, perhaps I was wrong. “Why? Why aren’t you dating him anymore?” I asked, my own shock sinking in, plus I was darn right curious.

Savannah began walking so I followed suit, wanting, no, needing to hear her response. “Well, he started to say funny things lately, talking about how purebloods are better, and that Voldemort might not be as bad as people make him out to be. I tried to voice my opinion, and he looked like he might hit me. I just - I think he might be a Death Eater or loyal to Voldemort.” She sounded rather scared, or at least upset and hurt by this revelation. 

I never saw this coming, not even from a mile away. Alex seemed like a nice guy, at least from the little time I spent with him while Savannah was in the same room. To hear such news, my stomach began to churn and I wanted to vomit at the thought of a Voldemort loyalist sitting at the same table with me, even doing unthinkable things with my best friend. To think she dated such an idiot nearly forced me to slap her, but how could she have known? Hormones made people do crazy things, especially those in love, and while I have no idea if Savannah actually loved him, the possibility crossed my mind, and if not, the infatuation was still there. In that very moment though, I realized that my own infatuation had gotten the best of me when it came to Neville. At least I knew he had no loyalty towards Voldemort and that monster’s cause.

“That’s horrible! I’m glad you dumped him then. We will just have to be extra careful if he chooses to retaliate.” I had no intention of trying to scare Savannah, but we had to be prepared for him to seek revenge after the breakup. If he was smart, he would leave her alone, knowing she had friends to back him up, but by the sounds of it lately, Alex could have a whole army to back him up in a heartbeat if he truly did seek revenge.

“Doubtful. He started to sound bored of me. If he takes me breaking up with him as bad, then he’s a dumbass because I gave him an out.” Savannah shrugged and that’s when she picked up on the we part of my response. “What do you mean we?” Her eyebrow quirked.

“Like I’m not going to have your back. Come on.” I rolled my eyes with a grin, and just like that, the two of us were back to normal. That was the longest amount of time we had ever gone without speaking to each other, but at this very moment, I could care less. I was glad to have my best friend back, of all things. Now all I had to do was figure out a way to make things right with Neville. 

As if by some miracle, Savannah brought him up next, a huge smile gaping on her face after we had just made up, but probably more so due to what she had to tell me. “Glad to hear it, but you might want to go kiss and make up with Neville.” She nudged me with her shoulder and nearly gaped at her in shock. How the hell did she know about any of this? I hadn’t spoken to her in a week or more, and Luna would never tell her. If Neville told her anything, I was going to be pissed at him and reconsider this whole amends thing.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I played dumb for the time being, praying to Merlin she might be just guessing and actually knew nothing. Regardless, my heart started to race in fear she might know I liked Neville. While I had nothing to be ashamed of, the thought of Savannah taunting me did not rank high on my Bucket List, you know, if I actually had one.

Now Savannah rolled her eyes at me and placed a hand on her right hip as if daring me to say that once more. She knew I was lying, but we had been best friends for so long that it was kind of hard not to know when the other was telling a big fat fib. “Yeah, okay then,” she mocked me before continuing. “Is that why Neville came to me, telling me all about how you were avoiding him? He mentioned something or another about you abruptly leaving the library after he asked you a simple question. What was that question again?” She asked while placing a finger to her chin, her eyes turning upward as if trying to place the question he had asked. I knew this was just her trying to mock me though. “Oh, that’s right. He mentioned something about asking you if Luna liked him. Kind of a shame you ran off since he doesn’t even like Luna as more than a friend.” Savannah confessed, shrugging her shoulders as if what she just mentioned was no big deal.

Stopping in my tracks once more, I gaped at Savannah, my mouth half open. “How do you know this? What are you talking about?” I asked rapidly in precession, needing answers this very moment. The two of us now stood there in the hallway, a few people walking around us and glancing at us like we were annoying idiots for blocking their paths. Can’t say I blamed them.

Savannah’s face lit up with amusement, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. I hated it when she did this, trying to drag out her explanation to keep a person on the edge of her seat. If I ever did meet an attention whore, it had to be her. She soaked it up like a sponge left in the sink for too long with a pile of dishes, collecting water to the point it soaked in with no absorbency left. “He told me what he asked you and explained the only reason he even asked it was because he thought Luna liked him and it bothered him a bit. He just assumed the two of you being friends, you might know. Then he muttered on about how he didn’t want Luna to be a leader in the D.A. if she liked him because it might be awkward.” 

Well, that explained more than I wanted to know, but it did answer a lot of questions. Apparently he had no interest in Luna as more than a friend, and now I felt quite foolish about my behavior, hence that being more than I wanted to know. I felt stupid for not giving Neville a chance to explain, but my anger and hurt feelings had gotten the best of me. At least now I knew the truth, or the truth from Savannah’s perspective. While I appreciated her telling me this, a part of me didn’t want to believe it, simply because she explained it to me. How did I know she wasn’t lying? I knew that was a ridiculous thought too, but with our argument, I had no idea if it was revenge. Considering she tried to apologize, I needed to drop that thought.

“I feel like such an arse now,” I admitted out loud, staring down at the ground as a huge breath of air escaped my lungs. Guilt coursed through me, but I had to forget about it. All I could do was try to make amends with Neville somehow, and I just had to think of that somehow.

“I’m sure he will get over it,” Savannah reassured me, placing a hand on my shoulder as we began to walk again. “Besides, I think he’s smitten with you.” Another huge grin plastered across her face as her arm fell back to her side. She enjoyed this far too much.

“I’ll just have to find a way to talk to him eventually.” I sighed, my fears starting to overwhelm me a bit too much, so I chose to change the subject. Anything to get my mind off of this mess I had made. “So does this mean we’re back to being best friends again?” I asked.

A grin pulled at the side of Savannah’s lips, beaming with amusement and joy as we walked down the hallway together like we had done so many times throughout the years. “Always.” She responded and then the two of us went back to our different dorms. At least now I had one person back in my life. Now I had to figure out how to get Neville back and on speaking terms. By the sounds of his concern, I didn’t think it would be too hard, but I felt like such an arse. Only time would tell if he forgave me and I would have him and Savannah back in my life.


	6. Insults and Breakdowns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There it rested on the table, taunting me with it’s chocolaty goodness as I sat at the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall. My eyes focused on it, staring it down like a predator about to pounce on its prey. While I felt half full to begin with, this piece of chocolate cake taunted me for quite some time now. I wasn’t entirely full, and wanted dessert, but with being overweight, I debated whether or not to eat it. I guess a part of what Savannah said to me still rung through my head, that perhaps she was right about not trying. I had this theory in life though, that if I worried too much about what if, that I would miss the good things in life, and this piece of chocolate cake looked good right about now. I knew it would taste good, just like all the other food at Hogwarts tasted good and prevented me from losing weight too.

There it rested on the table, taunting me with it’s chocolaty goodness as I sat at the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall. My eyes focused on it, staring it down like a predator about to pounce on its prey. While I felt half full to begin with, this piece of chocolate cake taunted me for quite some time now. I wasn’t entirely full, and wanted dessert, but with being overweight, I debated whether or not to eat it. I guess a part of what Savannah said to me still rung through my head, that perhaps she was right about not trying. I had this theory in life though, that if I worried too much about what if, that I would miss the good things in life, and this piece of chocolate cake looked good right about now. I knew it would taste good, just like all the other food at Hogwarts tasted good and prevented me from losing weight too. 

To be honest, I sometimes ate more when I felt stressed or under too much pressure. Not yet having fixed anything with Neville, I felt that weighing down on me. The longer I waited, the likelier it was he wouldn’t forgive me for my behavior. I knew he was sitting at the Gryffindor table right now too, having seen him enter sometime after I arrived with Luna. The two of us sat there, her eating her pudding while I stared down this cake, and I felt guilty for simply staring at it. I needed it though, to eat this piece of cake. I would feel better, the chocolate sweetness cheering me up already. 

Digging my fork into the cake and picking up a reasonably sized piece, I started to lift it to my open mouth when someone shouted at me from the table across from Ravenclaw. It had to be a Gryffindor by the looks of it, even though some students sat at different tables in order to be with friends, yet I always sat at Ravenclaw to be with Luna since she had hardly any friends, or so it seemed outside of Ginny and Neville, and maybe Savannah if she counted. Savannah only spent time with Luna due to me though, so I didn’t think that exactly counted.

“That’s right! It’s not going to eat itself, you fatass!” The Gryffindor insulted me rather loudly, at least enough for other students to start laughing as they overheard. While sometimes insults didn’t bother me, this one did by all means. I had done nothing wrong, even if I stared down this piece of chocolate cake. I had every right to take my time considering there were so many desserts to choose from, but to be insulted like this, in the middle of lunch with more students around then at breakfast time, that threw me off. Plus, I had no idea who this kid was, up until I noticed he was sitting with Alex and some other people. Now I started to realize why Savannah disliked him. Even though Alex had not said it himself, I had the distinct feeling this boy chose to say such things to me due to Alex knowing who I was when he dated Savannah.

Even though the insult caught me off guard, I had heard worse things. Throughout the years I had heard almost every fat insult in the book, even a few I had never heard of, but never called out like this, at least not that I recalled. If I had been, I just didn’t remember. Either way, I figured the best way to move on was to ignore this boy and simply eat the bite of cake. Placing it in my mouth, the decadent chocolate fluttered over my taste buds, allowing me to absorb every ounce of the cocoa that had gone into this wonderful concoction. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine the House Elves making it, using the best of chocolates since the school often used the best of everything for their culinary creations, or so I referred to them. It wasn’t just food to eat, but truly artwork, and the House Elves needed to get mad props for their work. They were underappreciated though, quite like myself and these fools who teased me.

“I’ve actually heard of cakes eating themselves. It’s quite rare, but it does happen.” Luna uttered from out of nowhere, glancing over at the boys quite dreamily as if she were speaking to them directly. 

Swallowing down the cake, my instant moment of relief and happiness was torn away once more. With my awful luck today, the boys had heard Luna’s every word and started laughing, even a couple of girls sitting close to the boys. “You hear that?” The same boy from before questioned his friends in amusement. “Loony Lovegood is defending the fat bitch!” The whole group burst into laughter and I didn’t get what was so funny. It’s not as if his insult was actually original.

However, one of the girls sitting next to the boys had to chime in and add to their nonsense. “They’re probably uber dykes! The psycho bitch and the fat ass can’t get anyone else, so they shack up together because they can’t get a real man!” She exclaimed, a look of pure evil crossing her face while the boys burst into further laughter.

Having enough, I didn’t bother to even wait for Luna as I stood up from the table and exited the Great Hall slowly. I didn’t want to just run out of there and give them the benefit of knowing I was upset, although getting up to leave said enough to them. As I left, one of the boys shouted another insult at me. “You forgot your cake, lard-o! Oh wait, it’s already gone to your ass!”

As I exited the Great Hall and ventured into one of the hallways, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. My chest tightened, my breath becoming short as tears threatened near the surface. I could feel them, the extra wetness to my eyes just waiting to let me set them free. I didn’t want that, to let those boys get the best of me, to let them know I had cried because of their insults. Normally I took everything with a grain of salt, but I just couldn’t. I had done nothing wrong at all, and here they were teasing me, ridiculing me about my weight. People needed to leave me alone and just let me be, because outside of Hogwarts someday, none of this mattered. We would all be different people, hopefully changed people, and whether I was fat or skinny just wouldn’t mattered. Even though I told myself that, I knew it wouldn’t be true for everyone. Some people would still care about my weight, some would still hate me for it, even though I couldn’t help it. 

Almost ready for my tears to fall down my cheeks, that’s when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I prayed to Merlin it was not one of those boys, or even that girl coming back for more. I hesitated, not wanting the person to see my glassy eyes if they were to ridicule me more, but I had to face them. Slowly turning, my watery eyes fell upon Neville. Oh please help me. I hadn’t apologized to him yet and lacked the courage to do so, yet now I looked like a complete and utter mess in front of him. No wonder he hadn’t spoken to me, even though I had avoided him. Messes didn’t exactly attract boys.

I knew shock hovered over my face, along with the hurt. Then I realized Neville must have heard what the boys and one girl had so rudely said to me because he was in Gryffindor. “Are you alright? I wouldn’t let them get to you.” He smiled sympathetically, his hand still on my shoulder. I always depicted Neville as a shy guy, not the type to walk up to someone and offer support.

Then again, he probably didn’t expect people to have a nervous breakdown right in front of him when offering that support either. “Some of it is true. I’m fat! They’re just stating the obvious! I’m a bad friend too! I’ve been avoiding you, and I’m sorry!” I exclaimed all at once, having to inhale deeply in order to catch my breath, the tears starting to fall now. I sniffed, trying to wipe at my eyes before it became out of control. The wetness on my cheeks lingered with the coolness from the castle though.

“So what? So what if you’re fat or a bad friend. I’m a dork, Luna’s, well, she’s Luna, Hermione is a bookworm, and Harry’s faced with unthinkable odds. We all have flaws, we’re all messed up, so if you think you’re the only one in this entire school who’s not perfect, you’re highly mistaken.” Neville’s hand slipped away from my shoulder, my body already missing the comforting heat, even more so with his lecture he just gave me. He was right. Everyone in this school had problems, perhaps a few more then others, but I was whining and carrying on, even if his lecture was not reminding me of it.

However, as I almost opened my mouth to say something, my sentence was cut off by none other then Neville’s lips. My eyes went wide in shock, but closed in a matter of seconds as I kissed him back. Apparently the chocolate cake was not the comfort I needed, but the lips of Neville Longbottom pressed against mine. For a brief moment I thought maybe he did this to silence me, but that’s when I realized he had been the one carrying on a moment ago, not me. Just as soon as his lips were on mine though, they were gone, and I was left with a lingering for more. I stood there, my eyes closed momentarily before I opened them.

Neville stood there before me, rather nervous after he kissed me. I had to admit, I found it rather adorable, and wanted to kiss him again, but my mind raced with questions about this situation. Why did he kiss me? Did he like me? Maybe him kissing me meant that he did. “Why did you kiss me and why would you even like me?” I asked rather bluntly, probably from the shock of it all.

A small smile spread across Neville’s lips, those lips that were pressed against mine only seconds ago. “Why not?” He questioned me, and it brought a smile to my own face as well. In a matter of a couple of minutes, I had gone from crying to smiling because of him. That proved magic existed in the world outside of wands and spells.

At this point, I did have a ton of questions coursing through my head. Did Neville want to be more than friends? Of course, it seemed like such a silly question because he just kissed me, but some people were strange like that. Displays of affection were nothing to them, although Neville didn’t seem like the type to kiss a girl and have it mean nothing. I thought maybe we should talk about this, but instead I chose to apologize sincerely for my behavior like I should have days ago. “I really am sorry for avoiding you. I just thought you liked Luna, and quite frankly, I was a bit envious about it.” I confessed, which basically admitted I liked him and had feelings for him beyond friendship.

Neville’s features softened as if he felt touched by my apology. “Now you know I don’t like Luna as more then a friend, or at least you should with the kiss and all,” he reassured me, his hand reaching up to scratch the back of his neck with nervousness. Ironic considering a moment ago he had the courage to kiss me in the middle of the hallway where anyone could see, and surely a few students had. “Maybe I should have mentioned something sooner, but I’m not exactly good at this sort of thing.” Now I felt back to normal. Neville’s own insecurity returned and I felt as if we were on the same level. One moment he built up my insecurities, the next moment he laid his right out there. Perhaps that was one of the reasons I liked Neville the most. He was anything but high maintenance and real with people at all times. No lies. No bullshit.

“Then you should understand exactly why I think no boys would ever like me. It’s not like I’ve ever had a boy come up to me and say he liked me as more then a friend until now because most boys are repulsed by me. But we can study again now!” I exclaimed, sounding like Savannah in that one moment, but I had to lighten the mood just a bit before things became too serious. 

“That reminds me,” Neville started, “With the D.A. getting back together, I was wondering if you would like to help be involved somehow like teaching?” He asked, changing the subject, but so did I, and I was grateful for it. Still, he caught me a bit off guard with the offer. I didn’t consider my skills to be that great in the way of spells the last time around, and for him to make such an offer, I wondered if he truly meant it or asked because he liked me. Then again, I am in Ravenclaw.

“I’m not sure what I have to offer, but I can try to help as much as possible.” I smiled at him brightly, letting him know I wasn’t turning his offer down completely, but just stating that I might not be able to help much at all. It’s not that I sucked terribly with spells, unlike Neville, not to say he was horrible at spells, but if I remembered correctly from the last time Dumbledore’s Army banded together two years ago, Neville had quite a hard time learning and completing spells. He had improved greatly though, and I admired his bravery. I, on the other hand, knew quite a few spells, it was just other things I didn’t feel so great at. 

“Okay, well, we can discuss it during out study sessions if we come up with ideas. Can I walk you back to your dorm though?” Neville asked so politely that it made me smile once more. He was so darn sweet besides kind and handsome.

“Sure.” I beamed with joy, it written all over my face with the huge smile, that undoubtedly, probably made my face, especially my cheeks, look chubbier than ever. I was sure Neville didn’t care one bit after everything that just transpired between the two of us. Still, I was pleased, and starting to feel a bit better. Only a short time ago Savannah and I had made up and renewed our friendship, now Neville and I were, well, I had no idea what to call it. We didn’t label it, and honestly, I liked it quite a bit. Labels tended to ruin things in the long run.

Once I agreed, the two of us began walking towards the Ravenclaw common room, having an idle conversation about nothing in particular. We had a bit to catch up on with studies and homework, discussing how boring it was and how the professors still assigned too much homework. I couldn’t help but think how hard it would be to juggle the work load, Dumbledore’s Army, and a possible boyfriend. At least things were starting to look up.


	7. A Review of Spells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week or so had passed since I agreed to be a leader in Dumbledore’s Army upon Neville’s request. While I had several ideas brewing in the back of my mind about lessons, Neville had the overall say so. Besides, only two years ago we had learned several spells, and most of us had perfected them in the process. What else could we possibly learn? Maybe it was time to kick it up a notch, perhaps going beyond the levels of basic spells and reviewing certain potions. Several of them were quite awful and deadly if used correctly, and just as useful as a spell. The only problem was trying to find a way to get the person to drink the potion without them knowing it. Spells worked best, but sometimes potions just had to be used.

A week or so had passed since I agreed to be a leader in Dumbledore’s Army upon Neville’s request. While I had several ideas brewing in the back of my mind about lessons, Neville had the overall say so. Besides, only two years ago we had learned several spells, and most of us had perfected them in the process. What else could we possibly learn? Maybe it was time to kick it up a notch, perhaps going beyond the levels of basic spells and reviewing certain potions. Several of them were quite awful and deadly if used correctly, and just as useful as a spell. The only problem was trying to find a way to get the person to drink the potion without them knowing it. Spells worked best, but sometimes potions just had to be used.

Despite my idea to start doing lessons on potions, I believed the first meeting needed to focus solely on reviewing spells taught two years ago. Surely a few of us had to be rusty by now since most of us had not seen real battle. While Neville, Luna, Ginny, and a few others assisted Harry in his efforts throughout the years, I had not, and neither had most of the other Dumbledore’s Army members, aside from the Weasley Twins and maybe a couple of others I had forgotten about. In general, most of us had not bothered to keep practicing since we had nothing to practice on.

Although I had yet to tell Neville my idea, the meeting was planned for tonight. I had very little time in the past week to speak to Neville, Savannah, or anyone. Homework and studies kept me completely busy, and so my social life was put on hold. Any free time I had, I spent thinking about possible lesson plans. Writing any ideas to Neville was entirely out of the question, along with talking to him alone. For starters, if the message was intercepted along the way, someone might turn us in. Secondly, if we spoke to each other in public, someone might overhear, and then we would have bigger problems on our hands.

That’s why, after finishing a bit of my homework for Potions, I realized it was time for our first meeting. I acted as casual as possible, leaving my dorm and heading down to the common room. Luna sat on the dark navy sofa, probably waiting for me and any other members who might be attending Dumbledore’s Army once more. Cho Chang had been a member, that much I remembered, but she graduated the year before, and so she had no need to show up, despite the fact Neville activated the coins to remind old members of what we were doing. Word had spread around as soon as the words showed up on the wall that we were still recruiting. Most of the old members decided to rejoin, or so I had heard.

The only thing I knew for sure was that Neville, myself, Luna, and Ginny were all leaders. While Neville clearly expressed his disinterest in Luna being a leader if she liked him as more then a friend, he clearly discovered the truth. At least I don’t think he would have made her a leader with any doubts about him liking her. Ginny made sense too, mainly because she was a previous member and quite known for some of her spells kicking a rather mean punch. She was the one person anyone wanted on their side.

As I glanced around the common room, I noticed a few other Ravenclaw’s waiting around. Perhaps they had heard about Luna and myself being leaders, although by the looks on a couple of students’ faces, they did not look pleased to be led by her. Then again, they probably wouldn’t be pleased with a fat girl teaching them either. Boo hoo. I’m not there to please them, but to help them defend themselves.

Anthony Goldstein, Michael Corner, Padma Patil, and Terry Boot all waited in the common room. At least they were all students in my year, so I knew them from class and what not. That made Luna the youngest of the original members, but who cared? She was with us originally, so she belonged there. The only problem I had with this group meeting all together was the fact I spotted Marietta Edgecombe sitting in the corner with a book, glancing at us all suspiciously. It was her fault we were discovered to begin with, and so if she was suspicious, and blabbed her big mouth, we might fall apart once more. Hopefully she learned her lesson.

“This is going to be one great study session, mates. Let’s head on down to the library and see if Madam Pince will let us study for awhile past hours. If not, perhaps we can study in the Great Hall.” I uttered quietly, my eyes nudging in the direction of Marietta and towards a few other students in the common room so hopefully the other members would realize what I meant. Luckily for them all, I even brought my bag with me and it rested securely on my shoulder. I noticed a couple of others in the group had bags too, perhaps as a part of a diversion or disguise.

“You bet! I got my books and extra parchment right here!” Terry exclaimed with a bit too much enthusiasm as he patted his bag. At least he knew how to play along.

However, Luna being in the group made very little sense. She was a year younger, which meant her classes were not the same. Thinking quickly, I reached out and intertwined my arm with Luna’s. “Yes, and Luna is here for moral support. She has an eye for Care of Magical Creatures, and so we really need her help.” I grinned at her faintly, hoping she picked up on the scheme.

“Oh yes. Studying Thestrals can be quite difficult when one cannot see them. I am more then glad to help.” She smiled dreamily, although her eyes stared upwards a bit as if spotting a piece of dust floating in the air that she found interesting. At least she was far different then most of the students.

Without another word uttered between any of us, we began to exit the common room. Next time around, we had to devise a better plan. We were rusty, and so we had to definitely leave the common room at different times, or be in other places and leave from there. Then again, very few people would dare to turn us in because of the Carrows and how awful everyone was being treated. Only the Slytherins had that kind of nerve.

As we walked to the Room of Requirement, we all took turns glancing down hallways and making sure no one was coming in any direction. We did not need to be caught, and I remembered how last time, Filch, Umbridge, and the Inquisitorial Squad kept trying to figure out what we were doing. They failed for quite some time until that damn Marietta girl opened her big mouth. Still, we were quite the powerful force, even if we had been caught.

By the time we reached the room of requirement, the hallways were dead quiet. The only sounds were from the portraits, scolding us for being out past curfew. As we had reached the entranced, I paced back and forth three times, thinking about how the room should look, even picturing some of the other students there. The door appeared immediately, which meant someone had already arrived. Opening up the door, I stepped inside and the others followed behind me. Surely enough, Neville, Ginny, and several other previous members waited. 

Lavender, Nigel, Parvarti, Seamus, Dean, Colin, all from Gryffindor stood. Even a couple of new faces, including Romilda Vane. Ernie, Hannah, Justin, and a few others from Hufflepuff showed up. Probably more would soon come, if not tonight, then in future meetings. People were busy, and with the Carrows roaming the castle, it was hard to get away sometimes, even to the library to just study.

With all four leaders there, the door shut behind us once more. I took my place up front, along with Luna since she walked by my side. Neville and Ginny already stood in front of the others. A few glanced at me with questionable eyes, probably due to not being all that well-known compared to the other three. Then again, a lot of people stared at Luna, but she was here before, and people had grown to like her. 

Nobody said anything for the longest time until Neville began to speak. He was our leader after all, so it only made sense for him to start us all off. “Welcome back everyone. I’m truly excited to start this up again, but we need to. With the Carrows here, Snape has Headmaster, and Death Eaters nearly at our doors, we need to protect ourselves more now then ever.” He explained and paused momentarily before he looked at us all and sighed. “The Carrows are forcing older students to use the Cruciatus Curse on first years, and those who refuse are being punished however they see fit. We need to defend ourselves, and that means from a majority of the staff too.”

I had to agree with Neville on that one. While a few of the professors were alright like McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout, I couldn’t be sure about some of the others. Slughorn was okay, even if he acted a bit seedy, but the Carrows and Snape were definitely questionable. Even the Muggle Studies teacher had gone missing, and so that meant we definitely had traitors inside the walls.

“Let’s not forget the Slytherins too,” I added as I remembered all of the names who were associated with Death Eaters in the first war. “There are several students who have parents from the First War who were Death Eaters and also held membership in the Inquisitorial Squad. You should all know who they are, and I’m sure they will try to take us down once more. If not, they will target us individually due to our own beliefs.” I explained, and Neville glanced at me, shooting me a quick smile. I smiled back at him before turning back to all of the students as to not be an obvious idiot.

“Yes, and while we are here, the four of us up here will be leading you all. I thought for the first time around that we should review a few of the old spells, refresh ourselves with skills we may have lost.” Neville suggested, which he stole right from me, although it was a rather obvious idea. He might have spoken to Ginny or Luna, although if he had spoken to Luna, I probably would have known about it.

“I think we should split up into groups, each group having a different spell to practice, and then rotating each group. I will work on Expelliarmus, and the others can pick a spell we previously used as well.” Neville explained, and I realized he picked Expelliarmus because he had such a hard time with it the first time around. “You can join a group based on what you would like to practice, then we can rotate after a few minutes.”

While Neville chose a spell a bit easier then some, I knew right away that I wanted to practice the Patronus Charm. I had a hard time the first time around, because none of my happy moments were all too strong. Now, however, I had a rather happy moment, and that thought was none other then the moment Neville kissed me.

“I’m going to start with the Patronus Charm, so anyone who wants to practice that can be in my group to start out with.” I said loud enough for everyone to hear me, and instantly three or four members moved towards me. Several people had a hard time producing a Patronus last time, so I couldn’t blame them.

I over heard Luna mention the Stunning Spell, while Ginny chose Reducto since she was quite good at that, which we had all seen. Some people were even jealous of her talent, but I never let it get to me. I always believed every witch or wizard had at least one good spell in them.

Once everyone split up, my group consisted of Lavender Brown, Terry Boot, Hannah Abbott, and Seamus Finnigan. The other students were divided amongst the other three groups, although it appeared as if a couple of students were torn and straddling two groups at the same time. We were going to rotate anyways, so it’s not as if it mattered.

“Alright, well, you know my name already, and if some of you forgot, it’s Genevieve, but you can call me Gen if you want to. I guess I will start by doing my own Patronus. The key is to picture your happiest memory and focus on it. If you lose focus, you will either not produce the Patronus, or once you have, lose it. Keep a careful eye on my wand movements too.” Some people thought it was just as simple as holding out your wand and thinking about your happiest memories, but there were special movements involved with the wand too.

As I took a deep breath, I thought of how Neville’s lips felt pressed against mine, how comforting it felt to have him near me, to have someone finally like me. The happiness consumed me, and as I moved my wand, the blue light began to emanate from the tip until it formed into a full fledged peacock as I uttered the incantation. The peacock moved away from my wand, ruffling its feathers as it practically strutted across the room until I let the happy memory dissipate from my mind to extinguish it.

The students in my group smiled and began to practice. Seamus had extreme difficulty trying to maneuver his wand, although a part of me tried to stay away from him. I had heard the stories of how his spells always backfired, but I knew I had to teach him. I carefully held his hand and moved it in the right pattern and his Patronus began to slowly form. I smiled at him brightly and helped the other members in my group until we had to switch groups.

By the time we had gone through all of the groups, it was starting to get late, which meant this meeting needed to come to an end. We all had class the next day, and if the Carrows or anyone else caught us in the hallways, we were doomed forever. 

The three other leaders and myself stood in front of everyone once more to address the students in the group. “That concludes our meeting for the night. It appears as if everyone remembered quite a bit and practiced while we didn’t have meetings. Good job.” Neville applauded everyone, causing several students to smile with enthusiasm.

“We should meet back here in a week. Same time, same day.” Ginny spoke up next. “I think a week is smart because if we come back tomorrow, or in a couple of days, and one of us is spotted in the hallway, they will be on the lookout. A week gives enough time for them to give up if that does happen.” She explained her reasoning, which to me, sounded like perfect sense.

“Alright. One week it is. I will activate our coins that night once more so you will all be reminded.” Neville explained like a true leader, and my heart fluttered as I watched him, admiring him in all his glory. “See you all next week!” He exclaimed, calling this meeting to a close.

With the meeting over, a majority of the students began to leave the Room of Requirement one by one. I wanted to stick around for a bit so I could talk to Neville in private since I just assumed he would be the last one there anyways. Usually the main leader stuck around last, or at least Harry did. By the time the other students had left, Ginny and Luna were the only two other people in the room besides Neville and myself. They both glanced at me, and I shrugged. “Go on ahead.”

Neither needed permission fro me, but Luna and I could have walked back together. Still, I wanted to speak to Neville. I think he wanted to speak to me too since he stuck around, and by the time Luna and Ginny left, I glanced at him and his eyes were already fixed on me. “I think that went fairly well.” I uttered with a faint grin spread across my lips.

“Me too. It just feels weird not having Harry, Ron, and Hermione here. They all started this, and I feel a bit awkward taking control. I don’t feel as if I’m properly qualified at times.” Neville admitted with discouragement in his voice, his eyes cast towards the ground.

“I don’t think it’s about whether or not you’re qualified. Some of the greatest leaders and rulers throughout history were not very qualified. What made them great was their ability to lead people, to give good speeches, and the power they held because of it, or because they obtained it from their family before them.” I explained, thinking about some of the most powerful people in the world like Alexander the Great. He was well known due to conquering almost all of the known world at the time, and died young. As much as I hated to even think about it, even Hitler was up there. I did not understand the things he did to people, but he grew to power due to the ability to give speeches in a way that manipulated people to follow him. 

“For what it is worth, I think you did a great job, and besides, Ginny, Luna, and myself are here to back you up. Never forget that.” I smiled at him reassuringly as I bridged the gap between us a bit, wanting to feel closer to him. I would be lying if I didn’t admit to the urge to kiss him again, or more importantly, him kissing me.

Unfortunately, that did not happen. Neville glanced up at me and said something I would never forget. “I’m going to steal the Sword of Gryffindor from Snape’s office. It belongs to Harry, and if I can steal the sword, then I can prove I’m just as capable. Besides, Snape doesn’t belong having that sword in his office, and if anyone should take it, it’s a Gryffindor like me.” He explained rather sternly, his teeth nearly clenched with anger at the thought of Snape having that sword.

I had to admit, the shock overcame me quickly. The thought of Neville doing anything to put himself in danger caused my stomach to tighten and nearly twist in the process. “Neville, that’s insane! You could get hurt, or worse, you could get caught by someone who wants to hurt you.” I reminded him since the Carrows were starting to keep such a tight leash on those who posed a possible threat to the Death Eater cause.

Neville shook his head, probably not hearing a single word I had just said. Boys were stubborn like that, and I noticed Gryffindors were even more stubborn because once they had something stuck in their head, they just had to do it, or at least from what I had learned from personal experience. Harry and his friends proved it.

“Look, I just have to do it. I understand if you can’t support my decision, but I have to. Please don’t tell anyone. I need the element of surprise.” 

I heaved a sigh because I was conflicted about this. I didn’t want him to get hurt, but if he had to do it, I couldn’t do anything to stop him. “Alright. Just be careful.” I warned him and then bridged the gap between us for a brief second by placing a chaste kiss on his lips. He had taken the initiative last time, and so I thought it was only fair for me to do so this time, no matter how much I wanted him to kiss me.

“I will try my best.” He grinned and kissed me on the cheek. The cheek? Now I felt I was being sent mixed signals. He had kissed me so passionately before, and now a simple kiss on the cheek, especially after I kissed him on the lips, even if it was just a chaste kiss, kind of made me feel confused. I’d be lying if I said I also didn’t feel a bit hurt too.

“Do you want me to walk you back to your common room?” He asked, obviously wanting to leave the Room of Requirement, although I couldn’t blame him. It was entirely way too late for either of us to be stuck here. As much as I wanted him to walk me back, I decided against it. If we were caught together, it would pose even more problems then either of us caught solo walking down the hall. Besides, I was a bit hurt, and needed some time to think.

“No, that’s alright. I don’t want us to be caught together in the hallway. We would get into even more trouble then if we were alone.” I uttered and began to head for the exit. 

“I’ll see you, then.” Neville uttered quietly as I simply nodded on my way out. I was far too upset to really say anything else. I knew I shouldn’t have let it get to me, but after a kiss like that, and him asking me to be a leader for Dumbledore’s Army, what else was I supposed to think? Did he like me? Did he want to be more then friends? I had asked myself these questions before, and now I wished I had asked him instead. It only left me even more worried as I began the long walk back to my common room on the fifth floor. Worst of all, I had to worry about Neville getting hurt because he wanted to go after a sword. Maybe getting involved with a Gryffindor was not such a good idea at all, especially one who wanted to do something as reckless as stealing a sword from the Headmaster’s Office.


	8. Strange Times at Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after our first meeting, I soon realized Savannah did not attend. It was unlike her to miss Dumbledore’s Army no matter what. She joined shortly after I joined and was truly excited to learn spells and be apart of something greater, not to mention, the possibility of kicking arse later on down the road helped too. I knew I hadn’t spoken to her in quite some time, at least since we had made amends from that fight, but where she had been off to lately was beyond me. I spent the next few days trying to run into her, even asking a few of her fellow Hufflepuffs. They had seen her around, but none of them actually spoke to her. Hannah Abbott, one of my fellow D.A. members mentioned something about her acting a bit strange as if she was trying to hide from someone or something. With that bit of news, I definitely had to find her.

The day after our first meeting, I soon realized Savannah did not attend. It was unlike her to miss Dumbledore’s Army no matter what. She joined shortly after I joined and was truly excited to learn spells and be apart of something greater, not to mention, the possibility of kicking arse later on down the road helped too. I knew I hadn’t spoken to her in quite some time, at least since we had made amends from that fight, but where she had been off to lately was beyond me. I spent the next few days trying to run into her, even asking a few of her fellow Hufflepuffs. They had seen her around, but none of them actually spoke to her. Hannah Abbott, one of my fellow D.A. members mentioned something about her acting a bit strange as if she was trying to hide from someone or something. With that bit of news, I definitely had to find her.

It was another day before I finally found Savannah to speak to her. She was sitting in the library, a book spread out on the table while she worked on a bit of homework, probably one of those boring essays the teachers kept assigning. I had some work of my own to do, and so without a moments hesitation, I walked over to the table and sat down, plopping my bag on top of the table. It thudded loud enough for several people to glance our way and even elicit a dirty look from Madam Pince, not that I cared one bit what she thought. 

Savannah jumped with a startle, one of her hands clutching her chest as she looked up at me with fear and annoyance. “Geez, just put a cowbell around your neck next time. That would be more efficient then scaring me half to death.” She scolded me in a heated whispered. I took no offense, assuming she only acted bitchy due to me startling her.

“Well, I’ve been trying to find you the past few days with no luck.” I admitted and sat down across from her now that the initial shock was over. Besides, I needed to whisper for the next part. “You weren’t at the meeting last week, and so I wondered where you were at.”

Savannah glanced around the library suspiciously as if someone might be watching. She leaned in closer to whisper back to me. “It’s Alex. Ever since we broke up, he’s been following me around at times, watching me. It’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable, and I was here late that night before the meeting. He was here, watching me, and so if I had left, he probably would have followed me, giving up our whole location and what not.” She explained as my eyes widened with surprise. Why on earth was he following around? I mean, some guys didn’t take rejection easily, but still, he had started to say weird things, or so Savannah told me.

“Why do you think he is following you? Do you think he’s upset about the break up?” I asked because that was the only logical reason. There was no way he could have known about Savannah being in the D.A. unless she had told him. Then again, people said things in the heat of the moment, and if the two had gotten rather close before they broke up, she might have let it slip.

“I don’t know, and I don’t think I care to find out. I don’t think he knows I was in Dumbledore’s Army before, but maybe he figured it out? I mean, you are spending time with Neville and I’m your best friend. It could be the whole attitude he has towards anyone other then a pureblood too. Maybe because I rejected him due to his nasty comments that he knows I’m not a pureblood loyalist like him so he’s keeping an eye on me?” She questioned, although all of it was just speculation. She had no real idea, but if this became something even more in the future, she needed to tell a professor. Then again, who could she tell? Half of them were scared to stick up for themselves or the students due to the Carrows and Snape, but a few were also trying to help at the same time.

“If he keeps this up, you need to tell someone who might be able to help.” I mentioned obviously and then chose to change the subject, not to be rude, but to help get Savannah’s mind off of all of this. “By the way, there is another meeting here tonight. I suggest you and I leave the Great Hall after dinner and act as if we are going for a walk outside. We can sneak off, and if he follows us, we can try to ditch him.” There were ways to avoid him, and a diversion might work. If they were together and then separated to where Alex followed me, then perhaps he would get pissed because he lost Savannah. Then I could double back and head towards the Room of Requirement anyways.

Savannah nodded and didn’t say another word about the D.A. or Alex. If the wrong person overheard either of us, they could go report it to the wrong people, or worse, Alex himself. I didn’t want to think about what he was capable of at this point, but I began to think he was a Death Eater more and more. My thoughts quickly changed though when Savannah changed the subject this time. “Enough about that douche bag though. How have things been with Neville?” She asked with a huge grin spread across her face as if she knew everything.

“Ugh! How the hell do you know this shit without me even telling you?” I asked, annoyance in my voice. People at this school had big mouths. They should have named the school The Rumor Mill instead of Hogwarts. At least it would have a more fitting title.

“I hear things. So go on, tell me.” She egged me on with that grin still plastered across her face. Sometimes I just wanted to slap her for how annoying she could be. For a Hufflepuff who was supposed to be loyal, she was also incredibly nosy too.

“Well, some jerks were teasing me in the Great Hall one day, and Neville must have seen. He came out into the hall and tried to comfort me after it happened. He kissed me and it kind of caught me off guard.” I explained, my heart fluttering as I recalled the events in my mind, but my heart sunk as I remembered the night of our first meeting back together as Dumbledore’s Army. “The night of the meeting though, I gave him a quick kiss on the lips, and then he just kissed me on the cheek. I’m so confused now, and maybe I should talk to him, but I just feel like that’s totally lame and not the kind of thing guys want to talk about with girls.” I sighed as I rambled a bit.

“They don’t, but guys are stupid. They do stuff without even realizing that it might hurt you, so I say talk to him, or try kissing him again, and if he acts just as strange, then bring it up.” Savannah shrugged, not having much experience in this since Alex was only her second boyfriend, and look how that turned out. Her first boyfriend, they did nothing more then really kiss and hold hands. With Alex, I figured she had done more, at least by the way she kept carrying on about him during the summer.

“Shit! I have got to go. I have a class in like ten minutes!” Savannah exclaimed and quickly packed up her belongings and shoved them into her bag in one untidy heap. She was known for being a bit unorganized at times. “I’ll see you later tonight.” She whispered before quickly leaving the library.

As the day passed, nothing too exciting happened. That was until I sat up in the common room at a desk and worked on some of my essays. Students started to enter the common room and whispered about how some students had chosen to try and steal the sword of Gryffindor from Snape’s office. From what I overheard, they had failed due to Snape catching them, and yet he didn’t punish them except for a detention with Hagrid. I knew in that very moment that Neville had to be one of the students, but others being involved, I had to question what happened. He told me not to tell anyone, yet he clearly asked others to help him, and although it seemed rather ridiculous, I felt a bit hurt once more. He hadn’t asked me to help, or even bothered to tell me he told other people. Maybe he really didn’t like me as more then a friend.

While students began to whisper amongst themselves about the event, I finished off my current essay before I packed up my possessions and headed down to the Great Hall for dinner. I promised to leave early with Savannah in order to divert a watchful Alex, and yet I still wanted to eat, so I needed to leave now.

As I exited the Great Hall, I tried not to think about Neville or what he had done recently to make me question whether or not he liked me. It was just too hard though, and so by the time I reached the Great Hall, even the thoughts of him not liking me due to being overweight had crossed my mind. Sure, he said it didn’t matter I was fat, but people said anything to try and comfort their friends. Perhaps that was all I was, just a friend, but then again, he had other people help him with the sword. Surely they were his friends, not me.

As I entered the Great Hall, I sat down quietly at the Ravenclaw table next to Luna who already sat there. Her school robes looked a bit disheveled compared to normal. I knew some people gave her a hard time, but damn. “Are you alright?” I asked, trying to take my mind off of Neville by turning my attention towards Luna. 

Luna glanced up at me with a sparkle in her eye. No matter what, I thought it was impossible for her to ever look defeated. “Haven’t you heard? Neville, Ginny, and I tried to steal the Sword of Gryffindor from Snape’s office. He caught us and was rather kind about it, only giving us a detention with Hagrid in the Forbidden Forest. I find that rather enjoyable to be with Thestrals and other creatures. Perhaps Professor Snape has gone soft.” She rambled on a bit, but I did not forget what she just told me for one second. So that explained who else was involved. Neville, Ginny, and Luna had all tried to steal the sword. I couldn’t help but feel left out since those three were leaders in the D.A., and yet none of them asked me to help. I apparently wasn’t included. Perhaps they did not need me as a leader then either.

“Well, that was rather foolish for you to try and steal a sword that technically belongs to no one. You should really be more careful with how things are around here.” I scolded her, not caring if she disliked it or not. Luna knew better. Hell, they all knew better.

“Nothing is foolish if you believe in the cause with all of your heart. I think bravery is anything but foolish.” Luna responded and I nearly wanted to roll my eyes. It was bravery that had gotten Neville, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and countless other Gryffindors into trouble, along with a few other students who didn’t even belong in that house. I chose not to respond to her after that and ate my dinner in silence. I would see her tonight at the meeting anyways, and hopefully I will have calmed down a bit by then.

Since I had to meet Savannah, I quickly ate my food and glanced over at her from my table. She had kept an eye on me, so when I nudged my head towards the entrance to the Great Hall, she nodded and stood up from the table. I did the same and met her at the entrance. The two of us began walking, and as we paced down the hallway slowly, Savannah brought up the whole sword incident.

“So I heard all about Neville and the sword shenanigans with his friends. I don’t get why they would do something like that, but the fact Snape didn’t punish them is kind of funny. He’s turned into a real pussy, if you ask me.” Savannah said rather bluntly. I didn’t even shake my head or scold her for such language since I had grown used to it over the years. At least she was honest and not the only one thinking it, myself included.

“Yes, I heard all about it and how they didn’t even include me. Neville told me his idea a week ago, and he told me not to tell anyone, yet he had Ginny and Luna help him, both leaders in the D.A., but not me. I’m a leader too, and not me. I thought he liked me as more then a friend, but clearly not if he can’t ask me to even help him out on a mission he asks his friends for help with.” I rambled on for a bit and inhaled deeply since I nearly ran out of breath by the time I finished.

“Maybe he didn’t ask you because he does like you and doesn’t want you to get hurt. That is kind of shitty and all, but he has been friends with them for quite awhile.” Savannah shrugged, practically blowing off the subject, so I said nothing more. When it came to her and her own problems, she was more than willing to talk about them, but anyone else, it felt as if their problems were second rate. She only talked about stuff she wanted to talk about, and if people began saying bad things about their day, she somehow had to turn it around and make it all about herself at times. However, perhaps she was right, and at the moment, I didn’t even want to admit that. I was just too upset.

Instead of uttering another word, the two of us walked in silence to the Room of Requirement. We had to keep our ears and eyes open for anyone, especially Alex. At least he did not follow us this time around, probably too busy talking to his friends at dinner to even notice we snuck out, and by the time he did notice, he definitely would not have been able to track us down. 

As soon as we reached The Great Hall, Savannah took charge by pacing back and forth to get the door to appear. Just as soon as it appeared, we entered. We were the first ones there; everyone else was too busy eating dinner. Still, people arrived shortly, so after just a few more minutes, Neville and the other leaders, those he considered his actual friends, showed up. Other students gathered into the Room of Requirement, and eventually everyone showed up. 

Like before, the leaders took the front of the room and Neville began with his opening speech. “Hello again! I see that most of you have returned and we have a few old members who have returned this time too.” He stated, his eyes glancing momentarily towards Savannah and then back to everyone as a whole. “We have a few new faces too, so we will have to get them up to speed while we try to figure out what to do next. Before we get started though, does anyone have any ideas or things they need to address?” He questioned the group as a whole.

“Did you really try to steal the Sword of Gryffindor from Snape’s office with Ginny and Luna?!” One member shouted from the back. I think it might have been Lavender Brown, but I’m not sure. She had a bit of a hero complex anyways, becoming infatuated with Ron Weasley last year after he became some big Quidditch star for the Gryffindor team.

Neville nearly looked stunned by that question, and nodded. “Yes, we did, which reminds me. Snape hardly gave us a slap on the wrist, which makes me think he isn’t as bad as we may have originally thought. I know he’s questionable, but Dumbledore trusted him. I say we keep our eyes open around him, but don’t try anything bad if he’s going to be on our side.” Neville explained, and I didn’t know what to think about that. Snape was definitely questionable, but he could have punished them severely for trying to steal the sword, and he had not. That said quite a bit.

I decided to chime in just then with a bit of information in regards to the Alex situation with Savannah. “We also need to keep an eye out for students, even ones we might not suspect. Alex Trevino has been stalking Savannah, following her around a bit and he allegedly told her his distaste for anything other than purebloods. He may be a Death Eater, and so any of his friends are questionable too.” I explained, trying to not give too many details away on behalf of Savannah. I did not want her to be pissed at me. I glanced over at her, and while she appeared a bit rattled by the thought, she didn’t glare at me. I took that as a good sign.

“So do we have any suggestions or are we going to keep rambling on about who to keep an eye out for? It’s clear that anyone could be potentially bad, even those we trust with our lives, so why don’t we just get to it?” Ginny spoke up rather loud and clear, and I thought she came off as rather rude since I was just trying to help, Neville too since he spoke up about Snape. Still, I said nothing. Who the hell cared what I had to say compared to Ginny? After all, a lot more people liked her, she had dated Harry, and I was just some overweight chick helping to lead the pack because Neville asked me to. Why he had asked me to, I don’t even know.

I didn’t even bother to bring up the potions idea. I knew everyone would think it was lame because what good did it really do us unless we were stuck in a situation where the people possibly trusted us? No way could we slip something into their drink or force a potion down their throat without the use of magic to begin with. 

“We should break up into groups and practice spells we didn’t practice last time we met. I think that would be fine, and we can then switch groups again.” Neville suggested and picked a spell to practice. From what I heard, he picked Levicorpsus. Luna chose Episkey since she was rather good at mending broken toes, or so I had heard. Ginny chose the Bag-Bogey Hex since she apparently had quite an aptitude for the spell. I, on the other hand, chose to do Incendio. While it was neither defensive or all that appropriate, it could be useful for a distraction to light one’s robes on fire or a nearby object.

Savannah immediately chose my group, which caused me to smile faintly. In some aspects, she was definitely a good friend. Then again, at least four or five other students chose my group too, perhaps because we hadn’t really done that spell in the D.A. before, and when we learned about it in class, it was to start fire, not for battle or defense. 

“Hello everyone,” I greeted those in my group. “I know it’s not clearly a defensive spell, but I think Incendio can be rather useful. You might not want to light the person on fire, but say their robes or a nearby object to distract them for a diversion can be useful.” I explained and then walked over to the mannequin dummy we used the last time around since I needed it for this spell. With one quick flick of my wand and the incantation uttered, fire emanated from my wand and lit the dummy in a wild orange blaze. I didn’t want it to get out of control, so I instantly put the fire out with a water spell. 

Like before, I helped the people in my group perfect the spell, but since there was only one dummy, they had to take turns. After they had worked on the spell for a bit, we all switched group members and taught them too. Within an hour or two, we managed to go over the spells discussed. I just realized though that none of the leaders had the opportunity to practice the spells other leaders chose. Perhaps that was something that needed to be discussed, or the leaders had to practice in a separate meeting.

After we finished, the leaders stood in front of the room once more. Neville took the floor again. “Good job everyone! I would say see you next week, but the holidays are in a couple of weeks. We will all be preparing for exams, and so I think we should hold off on another meeting until after the holiday vacation is over. We can then resume a week or two after we all return.” Neville explained and I had nearly forgot about exams next week and the holidays the week after. Time was truly flying by so fast but my studies had kept me busy, and all the drama in between.

A few people in the group nearly pouted and showed obvious disappointment in not meeting again before the holidays. I didn’t really care at this point due to how I had felt about Neville and everything he had done. Sure, I knew I might have been acting a bit silly over it all, but I couldn’t help myself. As students began to leave, I debated on whether or not to stay and talk to Neville, or walk Savannah to her common room with the whole Alex thing. She waved at me as she walked out with a fellow Hufflepuff, so that worked. I didn’t care about leaving with Ginny or Luna since I was too pissed off about everything.

Once everyone had left and Neville and myself were in the room alone, I approached him crossed my arms over my chest. “So, do you have anything you want to say to me?” I asked as if he were in trouble and I was some parent trying to get an explanation out of him.

A bit startled by my question, Neville looked at me with a puzzled expression. “Am I supposed to be telling you something?” He questioned, completely clueless.

Instead of playing games, I decided to lay it all out on the line. “You tried to steal the Sword of Gryffindor from Snape’s office with Luna and Ginny. It just occurred to me that you told me not to tell anyone your plans the last time we spoke, and yet your friends helped you.”

“They helped me because they’re my friends. I mentioned it to them and they wanted to be involved. I can’t help it if they stepped in.” Neville shrugged nonchalantly.

“That’s right. They’re your friends. They got to be involved, but not once did you even consider me. What does that make me then?” I questioned, the agitation in my voice clear. I was just so pissed off, and a part of me had no idea why.

Neville reached up and scratched the back of his neck, obviously uncomfortable with this conversation. “I don’t know what you are.” He admitted, which threw me off guard. What the hell did he mean by that?

“How can you not know? I’m either your friend, or I’m not. I’m either more then a friend, or I’m not. Maybe it’s time for you to choose.” I mentioned, basically giving him an ultimatum.

“I know that I care about you, but times are weird right now. Hogwarts isn’t safe, and with everything going on, I’m not sure this is the best of time to start delving into anything with you.” He explained, his eyes cast on the ground as he didn’t even have the courage to look me in the eyes as he said that.

I was hurt, but I wasn’t going to let him get the best of me. He had led me on, and that irritated me. If he had no intention in being more then friends, all he had to do was say so from the beginning, even after he kissed me. “Well, what do you know? For a Gryffindor, you sure picked a hell of a time to become a coward.” To me, that’s exactly how he sounded. He sounded like nothing more then a coward afraid of feeling anything more then friendship for someone.

“That’s not fair!” He exclaimed, his eyes tearing away from the floor now and directly at me. Finally I struck a nerve within him.

“You’re right, it’s not fair. You know what’s also not fair? Being led on and being given mixed signals. Maybe you should make up your mind, because you never know, one of us could be dead before this war is over.” Okay, so that was taking it a bit too far, but I really did have a point. Nobody knew who would survive this war, and so it was pointless to get worked up or hold back due to stupid hang ups.

Without another word, I headed directly for the exit. I heard Neville shout my name after me, but if he wanted to talk to me, to really be with me, then he could come after me. However, I didn’t hear footsteps following me, and so I just kept on walking and left the Room of Requirement. I hardly bothered to even check if anyone was in the halls or might spot me on the way back to my common room. I had far too much on my mind, and while I felt betrayed by Luna and Neville for not including me in the sword thing, I was far too hurt by Neville and his lack of actions to even care too much about that. Instead, I just went directly up to my bed and crashed for the night. As I laid there that night, that’s when I realized that times at Hogwarts were definitely becoming stranger.


	9. A Holiday Horror Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The examination period quickly passed by. Professors kept us busy with so much workload and studying in the week prior to exams that I hardly had time to think about anything else. The business helped the time fly by as if we didn’t have exams at all. The only reminders had to be the excruciating headaches and blurry eyes from staring at books and parchments of notes for far too long. If I hadn’t been kept so busy, I might have had time to think about Neville too, and how he kept sending me those mixed signals.

The examination period quickly passed by. Professors kept us busy with so much workload and studying in the week prior to exams that I hardly had time to think about anything else. The business helped the time fly by as if we didn’t have exams at all. The only reminders had to be the excruciating headaches and blurry eyes from staring at books and parchments of notes for far too long. If I hadn’t been kept so busy, I might have had time to think about Neville too, and how he kept sending me those mixed signals.

Truth be told, I hadn’t spoken to him since I walked out at the end of the last D.A. meeting. He had not bothered to find me, which clearly spoke volumes, and so I had no interest in attempting the first move. He needed to come to me. I don’t care if I acted rude or selfish. To me, he kept sending mixed signals, and if he had the audacity to use the war as an excuse to not advance a possible relationship, then he just wasn’t worth my time to begin with. I mean, I may be fat, but I certainly have standards, and I don’t have time for people who use excuses.

I remembered a time a couple of years ago when this boy talked to me quite a bit. His name was Derrick, and he was in Hufflepuff. We had a great time together, and we often studied, even with my other friends around. We were comfortable together, and then he started acting awkward around me. Apparently Savannah told him I liked him, which was only half true. Of course I fancied him to a certain degree since he was one of the few guys who gave me any bit of attention throughout the years, but then he completely blew me off in the weeks to follow. It started out casually with him avoiding our study sessions, then meal times, then all together. I didn’t have time for that, and I certainly did not have time for Neville’s games either.

At least with exams out of the way, Christmas holidays were here at last. I had every intention of going home for the holidays instead of sticking around at the castle to be picked off by the Carrows or someone else. From what I had heard, most of the students planned on venturing home, and some intended to not return either. Their parents were far too worried, but I knew mine would never force me to stay at home. They believed I could do anything I set my mind to, even if they never said it out loud. They never hovered. They often let me be on my own because I didn’t do bad things like some students. Well, at least not that they ever knew of.

Savannah decided to come home with me for the holidays. Why she loved her family, apparently she was still worried about the Alex situation. They had started dating over the summer, which meant he knew the exact location of her house. She feared he might show up and try something, so coming to my house seemed key, although she did send an owl to her parents, telling them to keep an eye out for him too. They were quite surprised to hear of Alex being a Death Eater, or so she told me. Then again, we had no proof, but his behavior said enough.

With our trunks and possessions already packed, Savannah and I began walking the long jaunt to the entrance of the castle, and then to the train platform that would take us to King’s Cross. At least with the amount of students going home, we did not feel threatened, even if Alex was slowly starting to follow us and walked in the same direction. Then again, he had to board the train too, so perhaps we were being paranoid. To try and take Savannah’s mind off of it, I decided to start a conversation.

“So I haven’t talked to Neville in awhile.” I said out loud, nearly regretting it the moment the words slipped from my lips. At least I tried to start with a subject that focused on me instead of her awful boy situation with Alex.

Savannah shook her head, her dirty blonde hair moving in the process. A near huff escaped her lips in agitation. “That boy is an idiot. Sure, Neville seems like a nice boy and all, but to sit there and use the whole ‘Oh there is a war going on’ excuse is just completely lame. That’s the perfect time to get into a relationship because you might end up dead!” She exclaimed, not meaning me but just everyone in general. She did have a point. None of us knew where we would be in a few months time. We could all be dead, prisoners, evil, or worse, slaves to the Carrows or any number of Death Eaters. And I do mean worse. I’d rather be dead then a slave to the Carrows.

“I think all boys are idiots,” I chimed in. “Deep down, they’re all pigs, just most want to deny it and never admit it.” To me, that had to be the truest statement ever. 

Without another word about boys, the two of us boarded the train. Luckily for us, we managed to find a compartment near the back of the train, which meant it would be quieter. When the holidays rolled around, everyone wanted to sit near the front in order to be the first ones off to greet their family after such a long time. I preferred the back due to the quietness and because the trolley lady started in the back. All of her supplies were near the cargo for easy storing, and so she started back there. 

Entering the compartment, I quickly sat down, tired from the walk to the train. Savannah sat across from me and settled into the moderately comfortable seats. They were cushioned, but the pattern definitely needed improvement. Perhaps they had not remodeled the train since its inception at Hogwarts. 

As I snuggled into my own seat, I glanced across at Savannah. I had slowly started to notice the change in her behavior ever since she told me about Alex. Sure, that was maybe two weeks ago, but ever moment I spent with her in between studying for classes, I noticed how solemn she looked when she thought no one was watching her. Everything - this war, her breakup with Alex, and the death announcements in the Daily Prophet - had started to get to her. I could slowly feel it creeping up on me as well, but I tried to ignore it. The anger and confusion I had about Neville helped keep my mind off of more serious, darker thoughts.

I quickly snapped out of my train of thought as Luna opened the door to our compartment. She slid open the door, her face lit up with the usual fancy free dreams she possessed. Even in these dark times she appeared stronger then ever, and a part of me was envious. 

“Hello, Savannah Leery.” She smiled at Savannah, a bright smile spread across her delicate features. She then turned to me and greeted me with my first and last name as always. “Hello, Genevieve Poineau.”

“Hey Luna.” I uttered back quietly before glancing out the window. Winter had slowly crept up on all of us. With exams and the war brewing, I had hardly noticed the change in season. I spent so much time indoors studying that I hadn’t noticed how the sky started to turn to a hazy shade of gray like it was now. I had no idea if it looked like that today, or every day due to what the Death Eaters were doing, but it sent a shiver up my spine.

I tried not to think about it, and luckily for us, the train started to move once everyone was boarded and in compartments. That’s also when the trolley lady began making her rounds. As soon as I spotted her just outside the glass to the compartment, I hopped up from my seat and opened the door, my Sickles in hand. I purchased two Licorice Wands since I adored those the most and sat back down, allowing Savannah and Luna to have a turn.

That’s when it struck me. I was surprised Luna hadn’t chosen to sit with Ginny or Neville. Instead, she sat with us, but I didn’t speak up about it at all. It was her choice, and a part of me reveled in the thought of her choosing me over them, not that it was a competition to begin with. 

I bit into one of my licorice wands as Savannah sat back down, having purchased some Bertie Botts Beans. I warned her before about eating those disgusting things, but she never did listen. I didn’t see the point in scolding her about it anymore either. My heart just wasn’t in it to scold her, especially with everything she was going through. It might upset her more, or perhaps not saying anything might upset her, but I tried not to think about that too much either.

Luna purchased some Licorice Snaps, or so I could see as she sat down. That seemed rather appropriate for her since they had to be the strangest candy offered by the trolley lady. She popped one into her mouth almost instantly and nearly jumped in her seat. Maybe one had really snapped at her. 

As she chewed and swallowed it, I shook my head and a grin appeared on my face. How could it not? She was so silly sometimes, but I admired it. However, my smile faded as soon as she mentioned her father. “I do hope father is waiting for me when we arrive at King’s Cross.” It was the most subtle and simple of statements, but it reminded me of what her father had been going through.

Xenophilius Lovegood, Luna’s father and only living parent, owned and wrote articles for The Quibbler. Apparently he had taken quite a bit of slack for writing his opinions on Harry and supporting him during the war. He had written Luna several times, indicating how awful things were for him, and that Death Eaters had continuously threatened him. He warned her not to return home, but with Luna being rather loyal and, well, Luna, as Neville had once put it, she chose to return home for the holidays anyways.

“I’m sure he will be, Luna. I know my parents are having me travel with a nearby Floo Network, Savannah too. They don’t want to risk coming to King’s Cross, which sounds kind of lame since I’m their daughter and all, but they figured if the wrong someone spotted them, it might put me in even more danger.” I explained about my parents since they didn’t care about blood status or anything of the like. That set wrong with most Death Eaters, to have purebloods who did not care about blood status one bit, so it made me a target, in a way.

For the most part, the rest of the train ride back to King’s Cross was rather silent. We chatted occasionally about exams and Luna rambled off topic a couple of times about creatures I don’t think even existed, but she often did that. I didn’t mind one bit. 

By the time the train stopped, Savannah jumped up from her seat and darted towards the exit, not to actually leave the train though. “I forgot to talk to Hannah about something!” She exclaimed, briefly turning her head to tell us before she disappeared down the corridor of the train. I rolled my eyes and knew I would have to go after her because she left some of her possessions behind. No doubt, Savannah would take forever too. She sometimes had a habit of forgetting things and then taking her sweet arse time retrieving them.

I rolled my eyes as I stood and grabbed my own bag I brought aboard the train. I was just not comfortable leaving certain belongings in my trunk in case someone broke into the luggage compartment of the train and snooped through my possessions. I had nothing to hide, but I did have a few valuable objects like a rather expensive quill my parents had purchased me a year or so ago for my birthday.

“We should wait for her,” Luna chimed in as she had not yet stood up. “Everyone will have left the train by the time she returns, and we will not worry about tripping over other people.” I had to suppress a laugh because Luna was right about everyone being off the train by the time Savannah returned. I don’t think Luna meant it as sarcasm or a joke, but that sounded about right to me.

In all honesty, by the time Savannah did return, nearly all the students had exited the train and already found their family. Hell, most had already crossed the threshold and left with their family to go home. I rolled my eyes once more when Savannah finally picked up her bag. At least Luna had stood up and grabbed her things sometime between her sarcastic - although not meant to be - comment about Savannah, and my best friend returning to the compartment.

As the three of us exited the train, I noticed something rather suspicious. The platform was quiet, way too quiet for the amount of students who were on the train. I saw maybe two straggling students on the platform and they scattered about, as if trying to avoid something or someone. A chill ran down my spine as the overall atmosphere seemed to change. The temperature felt chilly against my skin, nearly causing it to prickle into goose bumps, and as I glanced out the window, what little I could see of the sky was far more overcast then before, nearly pitch black. Could it really be nighttime already?

Stepping out onto the platform, I inhaled deeply, but the air caught in my chest as if no oxygen existed in this new environment. The platform was completely deserted now, that was until a voice echoed to the point of deafening due to how silent it was. A pin drop could be heard if I had a pin to drop, but right now, my heart pounded in my chest as I feared for the worst. Something was not right here.

My eyes followed the voice and stopped upon a tall man with blonde hair, pulled back into a pony tail. Stubble covered his chin, although the rest of his face was clean shaven. He wore dark robes, but the most defining feature about him had to be his piercing hazel eyes. They were cold, void, and filled with nothing. They lacked all remorse or compassion, and another shiver trailed down my spine. 

I heard more footsteps. My eyes fell upon two more men. These two were bulkier then the first, apparently the muscle of the operation, while the first man had to be the brains. They wore all black as well, their eyes brown but nearly black and empty as well. My heart continued to pound, and I glanced briefly at my friends, noticing the own panic on their faces, including Luna. That was the first time I had ever seen her truly scared, even if she was trying to hide it a bit too.

As the two bigger men stood behind the skinnier one, another person came into view from their left. It was none other then Alex Trevino, the very guy Savannah had been dating until she broke up with him, and had been stalking her lately. My eyes narrowed at him. The traitor! He really was a Death Eater after all!

“Luna Lovegood. How we have been waiting for you.” The brains of the operation spoke first, clasping his hands together as if he thought this intimidated people. “Your father is causing quite a predicament with his articles in The Quibbler. We have warned him to stop, but since he does not listen, it is time we send him a message.” He grinned with malice and maliciousness written all over his face.

That’s when one of the bulkier men darted towards Luna as if he meant to capture her. Without thinking, I shouted at the top of my lungs. “Luna! RUN!”

I pulled out my wand but it was too late. The other bulky guy grabbed me from behind and held me in place. His grip was firm and tight on my arms, to the point I winced in pain. My eyes cast towards Luna and Savannah who both began to run, only to be thwarted as well. The other bulky man had snatched up Luna, and she did not struggle. Her lack of struggling surprised me, but perhaps she realized struggling would be far worse for her then anything else.

The skinny guy had managed to grab Savannah, who actually did struggle. I thought about doing the same, but with how tight his grip was on me, I knew it would do no use. I wasn’t exactly strong. Being overweight never helped in that department.

“Oh I’m going to enjoy this.” Alex uttered with an evil grin, one with the pure intent to inflict harm. His eyes were fixed on Savannah, and I noticed the fear bubbling in her own eyes. Is this why he had been following us all along?

“You fucking creep!” I shouted without thinking. The words slipped past my lips with such acidic anger. “So what, you get off on this? You stalk girls then have someone else capture them?! Fucking coward!” I kept shooting insults at him to hopefully diverge his attention towards me.

It worked, as he turned around to face me, that smirk never once leaving his face. He may have been rather attractive, which is probably what drew Savannah to him, but I had no interest in evil guys. 

“You really want to question me?” He asked with a quirked eyebrow and a furrowed brow, but that grin was still there. He found this all amusing. “You’re nothing more then a fat disgusting bitch who parades around as if it doesn’t matter. Your pureblood family doesn’t care you disgrace this world by holding loyalty to all blood types and not caring you’re a disgrace to your own family with your weight.” Even though his insults were rather harsh, I found them to be entirely lame right now. He went for low blows, nothing I hadn’t heard before in the past from a few Slytherins.

“Let her go.” He uttered to the Death Eater who had a firm grip on me, as if Alex was the one in charge, bossing them around, although probably not above the brains of the operation, as I so called him.

The guy shoved me forward and I nearly lurched to the ground, but caught my balance. That was up until Alex decided to only toy with me by having the guy release me. “I think I’ll send you off with a warning this time, but I hope it sends a clear message to your parents. You won’t be so lucky next time.” He grinned smugly before he raised his wand at me and threw me backwards with a stunning spell. 

As I flew backwards, he threw me right into a bench, my body smacking right into it. I thought I heard a crunch, but I was too stunned, to hurt, physically, to know what was going on. I just knew the wind had been knocked out of me as I fell to the cool ground in a crumpled heap of a mess. My eyes felt heavy, and although I wanted to get up, to give this traitor a taste of his own medicine, the blackness started to overtake me. However, as I began to pass out, I swore I heard someone uttering the Killing Curse, and a flash of green light emanating in the distance.


	10. Coming To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Throb. Throb. Throb. The pounding in my head echoed against my skull repeatedly as I remained in complete and utter blackness. I had no idea how long I had been like this, or if I was dead or not. For all I knew, this darkness might just be my lack of existence, but then how could I still think, still piece this together in my mind? If I was dead, I wouldn’t be able to feel this throbbing pain in my head that pounded in such a rhythmic pattern. I wouldn’t be able to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last completed chapter I wrote for this fic. I started an 11th chapter, but I kind of lost muse. If you're reading this and think I should continue, please let me know. I'd enjoy some feedback. Thanks to everyone who has come this far though!

Throb. Throb. Throb. The pounding in my head echoed against my skull repeatedly as I remained in complete and utter blackness. I had no idea how long I had been like this, or if I was dead or not. For all I knew, this darkness might just be my lack of existence, but then how could I still think, still piece this together in my mind? If I was dead, I wouldn’t be able to feel this throbbing pain in my head that pounded in such a rhythmic pattern. I wouldn’t be able to breathe.

That’s when I knew I had to be alive. Dead things didn’t breathe, they didn’t feel this much pain. I started to hear sounds in the distant, faint, then ever so quickly loudening within my ear. It only added to the constant pounding in my head, but I wished for more. At least I knew I was alive, despite not remembering how I had gotten to be this way. I tried to push on, tried to open my heavy eyelids to see anything but this constant black abyss, and after much struggling, my eyes finally opened.

The harsh light stung like no other. I winced, blinking my eyes several times to block out the harsh light. The light only caused my head to throb more, but at least this was a sign of life. The bright light was anything but heaven or some other celestial being taking me away. It was a light overhead, because as I blinked more, a few things started to pop into focus, despite everything being a bit blurry too. It felt like when a person wakes in the morning, they’re incoherent and eyes are blurred to the point even the clock looks blurry, like foggy glass.

I squinted to try and keep out the harsh light, my eyes falling upon a chair in the corner, but the walls appeared to be white, nearly as bright as the lights above. I continued to glance around as much as possible without moving my head. That’s when my eyes fell upon my mother sitting in a chair right next to whatever I was laying in. Yes, I was laying down in something soft and comfortable. It had to be a bed, but why was my mother here? Maybe I really was in heaven, but my mom isn’t dead, so that can’t be it.

Her long brown hair was pinned to the back of her head, but her eyes were closed. How I longed for her to open those eyes and reveal the bright green emerald orbs just to prove to me she was alive. I missed her warmth and compassion all these months at Hogwarts, if only for the sole reason things had become dark and I feared I might never see her again. I missed how she came into my room at night just to tell me goodnight in the simplest of terms. 

As I thought about how much I wanted her to open her eyes, I realized the amount of warmth on my hand. I diverted my eyes towards my hand, which had some sort of wizarding IV in it, no doubt full of whatever was making me feel this way, unless it was meant to make me feel better. The warmth though was from the hand underneath mine, holding mine. It belonged to my mother, and since she was still warm, I do believe that meant she was alive. In an effort to wake her, I twitched my fingers ever so slightly.

It took her a moment to wake, and as soon as she blinked her eyes a couple of times and noticed my eyes were open, she nearly jolted out of the chair and stood up. Another person maneuvered over to my bed, hovering over me and my mother due to his height. I instantly recognized my father. He was a bit on the chubby side like me, his full brown beard covering his round face. His eyes were soft and brown, yet held such exuberance. While my mother’s were full of compassion and warmth, he had a fire in him for adventure. That’s why my parents clicked. They were opposites, like yin and yang, like skinny and fat, quite literally too. 

“Oh dear! You’re finally awake. Your father and I were so worried about you! They said you might not wake up if you didn’t soon, but the Healers know what they’re doing here.” She smiled sadly, her warm hand reaching up to brush away my brown hair from my forehead. I closed my eyes momentarily, letting the comfort and warmth fill up my body for the briefest of moments. At least now I knew I had to be in St. Mungo’s if she mentioned Healers, but how had I gotten here?

“We’re glad you’re okay, sweetie. We should have been there to pick you up at the platform, if only we had-” His voice cut off, and instantly I knew he felt regret for not being there. When he mentioned the platform, that’s when everything connected together. 

The platform. That’s where everything had last happened. Those Death Eaters were waiting for us because they wanted Luna. I remember it now. They had a hold of us, and Alex was there. He told the one to let me go, only to stun me and I fell into that bench. That must be how I ended up here, too badly injured to do get up due to being unconscious. I vaguely remember a flash of green light though, and that’s when the panic coursed through me. My heart thundered with fear, only to cause my head to throb even more.

“Mum, am I the only one here? Where is Savannah?” I didn’t ask about Luna because I clearly knew they wanted her. They had taken her for sure.

Both of my parents said nothing. Complete and utter silence filled the room, their faces grim with despair and worry. They shared a glance, as if debating whether or not to tell me something. My mother’s eyes were a big give away. Those eyes that were usually filled with comfort and warmth were filled with pain. My own father’s eyes deceived him too. The fire in them had burned out. That’s the very moment I knew Savannah was dead.

“No! Th-They can’t have killed her! Not Savannah! She didn’t do anything wrong! They wanted Luna, not her!” I shouted and began to sit up in bed. I needed to get out of here, to prove them wrong. She just couldn’t be dead.

Tears welled up in the back of my eyes, threatening to push past the glassy surface and break free like a dam of emotions I wasn’t ready to let lose yet. When it did, then it would flood the land below. 

My mom tried to calm me down, pressing her hand to my arm to insist I lay back in bed. All of the commotion caused a Healer to come into my room. She quickly had some sort of potion and injected it into the IV. The blackness overtook me again, calming me down, but deep inside, I was nothing but a wreck lost in the wake of the dam that had broke loose. I had drowned in it.

The next time I awoke, I had to squint my eyes once more. That damn light up above taunted me with its brightness. If I had my wand, I’d eliminate it all together. At least my head did not throb as much now. All the rest I must have gotten in here had done me some good. That reminded me, I have no idea how long I have been in St. Mungo’s. Trying to ignore the thought, I blinked a few more times before finally trying to focus my sight fully. To my surprise, someone new sat next to my bed.

Neville Longbottom had taken it upon himself to fall asleep in the chair next to my bed. His hand rested on top of mine, his head resting on the side of the bed as his butt sat in the chair. His neck was going to kill him when he finally woke up, so I decided to at least help him along. I wiggled my fingers once more, only to discover Neville did not wake. He must be a heavy sleeper then. This time, I intertwined my hand with his and squeezed. That did it.

The boy woke up, a huge yawn escaping his gaping mouth. He quickly closed it and blinked momentarily before finally looking at me. His expression was sincere, yet rather surprised. Perhaps I looked pretty banged up after the hard blow from the bench. I hope I did more damage to the bench than it did me though.

“Gen, I’m so sorry.” He apologized, his free hand brushing a bit of hair from my face. This was more affection he had shown me then our time at Hogwarts, unless the kiss was included. “Your mum told me about Savannah. I just can’t believe it. Maybe if I had sat with you guys and waited longer to get off the train..” His voice trailed off, but I knew there was nothing he could have done. If he had stayed, they would have done the same to him, or worse. He might be dead like Savannah.

“I’m glad you didn’t stay behind,” I uttered quietly, my voice hoarse. I really needed a drink. “They would have hurt you too, or killed you.” As if by some miracle, Neville knew I needed a drink of water and he handed me a cup that was resting on a table. He held it out to me and I took the straw in my mouth, letting the cool water course down my throat. It was so refreshing, like I had been lost in the dessert for days without water. 

He placed the cup back on the table once I took a drink, and already my throat felt remotely better. That’s until I realized I had to break the news to Neville. I don’t know if my mother told him about Luna in the middle of my rant when they knocked me out. “Neville, they took Luna.”

Neville’s face darted to mine, his eyes locking upon my very own. He was in shock and disbelief, his face had fallen, and amidst it all, his skin had turned paler. “Wh-what?” He questioned me, the tone of his voice only proving just how much he had a hard time believing me.

“They took Luna. Something about her father printing articles about Harry and his support. They wanted her as punishment. We weren’t able to do anything, and she’s probably dead too.” It slipped right past my lips. I can’t believe it, but it did, and in that brief moment of realization, that’s when I broke. That’s when I lost hope. Savannah, my best friend, was dead. She was nothing more than a cold corpse for them to place in the ground. Oh god, her poor parents. I just remembered them. They had no other children, but then there was Luna too. They had taken her. Both of my friends; gone. I had no friends left.

“I have no friends left. In only a few moments, I lost all of my friends.” I whispered as the realization settled in. My voice had returned to that hoarse tone, not from the lack of hydration, but flood of emotions overwhelming me. I cracked, and those tears finally let loose as a sob escaped me. The dam had broke, and I didn’t know if I would ever be able to stop drowning.

Neville shook his head in disbelief. I could sense he was on the verge of possibly crying too, but he stayed strong, stroking my hair once more. “No, Luna is alive. If there is anything I know about her from our years of backing up Harry, it’s that she’s strong enough to survive.” He tried to reassure me, but I just didn’t believe him, at least not at the moment. “You still have me though. I’m your friend, and I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting lately. I’m sorry it took something like this happening for me to admit that.” He sighed, his eyes cast downward in shame.

I sniffed and reached up with my free hand to wipe at my eyes. I had to get rid of these tears. I could mourn for my friend later, but at the same time, mourning for her wouldn’t do any good. This war was getting worse, and it took me losing my best friend, my other friend being kidnapped, for me to realize that.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t seem like that big of a deal now. By the way, how did you know I was here?” That thought just popped into my head, so I had to ask it.

Neville looked back up at me, his expression changing, although still solemn. “I was hear visiting my parents and I overheard one of the Healers mention your name. That’s when I asked and your parents overheard me ask, so they spoke to me, told me what little they knew.” He explained, although that explanation was kind of boring compared to what I had expected him to say.  
“Speaking of my parents, where are they?” I asked out of curiosity. I hadn’t seen them since I freaked out about Savannah, and they were probably a bit startled.

“They went to get something to eat. I told them I would stay with you until they got back, just in case you woke up.” He smiled faintly, and I started to feel a bit better, but I doubt I would ever be okay over losing Savannah. “How are you feeling, by the way?”

“My head still hurts a little bit, and emotionally, well, I don’t think I have the capability to answer that right now.” That was more or less the truth. “It was Alex who killed Savannah.” That truth came out of nowhere, and yet it needed to be said. Neville needed to know. Hell, the whole D.A. needed to know. If he was capable of killing Savannah, he was capable of killing anyone once we got back to Hogwarts. Then again, my parents might not let me go back.

Neville sighed and shook his head, squeezing my hand in a gesture of comfort. “When you mentioned him stalking Savannah, I never thought it would lead to this.” The tone of his voice in nearly a soft whisper, his eyes filled with regret, I knew he partially blamed himself, which was ridiculous. He had no idea what could have happened, and even if he did, what could he have done?

I squeezed his hand back and that’s when he looked at me. “You should really get some more rest.” It felt nice to be nearly taken care of, and instead of arguing with him, I smiled faintly, full of false hope. I closed my eyes and drifted off into that blackness once more, but this time of my own free will. At least now there were shades of gray to keep me alive and believing I might be okay.

****

The next couple of days passed quickly. To be honest, I slept through most of it. My parents didn’t stay the entire time, stopping by both days, but leaving at night since they knew I would be okay. Neville stopped by too, and today, when I felt better, he stopped by again. Apparently the Healers wanted me out of bed and to walk around a bit. 

Even Neville urged me to get out of bed, and with the Healers permission, he wanted to take me somewhere in St. Mungo’s. I had no idea where, but I was relying on him to help me out. At first, I sat up in bed, sitting on the edge of the bed. I had woken up the previous two days to at least sit up and eat a bit of food, but this was different. I placed my feet on the ground and knew my legs were shaky right away. They were weak, but Neville too my arm and wrapped it around his neck to help me up. I nearly stumbled when I pushed myself onto my feet, but he steadied me, and I flashed him a quick smile.

“So where are you taking me?” I asked out of curiosity, but was kind of grateful to be out of the bright white room for awhile. I don’t know why they paint most hospitals white. There is nothing happy about being in a hospital. They should paint it black, maybe brown or gray. Something rather gloomy, although the whole point is to get better, so maybe that’s not a good idea either.

“You’ll see.” He smiled, but something about his smile seemed nervous. I ignored it though and focused more on my footsteps. They were just as shaky, but after awhile, my legs started to become stronger, used to the rhythm and weight of my body. My steps were still small and slow, but with the help of Neville, I didn’t look like a waddling duck trying to learn how to chase after its mother on the way to a pond or something.

“Merlin, I must look awful walking around like this.” I uttered to myself, noticing the way a couple of people looked at me. One was a Healer, so that couldn’t be a good sign, the other some patient giving me the stink eye, so that one I just tried to ignore. Talk about rude.

“Are you kidding? I think that’s a designer gown they have you in, so you’re wearing top notch clothes.” Neville chimed in with a playful grin. Now he was just being cruel.

“Arse!” I exclaimed and tried to swat at him with my free arm, which caused me to stagger a bit, so I grabbed onto him tightly. 

Neville chuckled and guided me to another area of the floor. Due to my injuries being related to a spell, they had placed me on the fourth floor, which was for spell damage. I was thrown into a bench due to a spell, so therefore, I’m on floor four. Still, I had no idea where he was taking me, and even as he guided me into a room with a couple of people, I still had no idea where I was at. 

The people in the room were older, much older. They had to be around the same age as my parents though, and middle-aged, which I did consider much older. At least the walls were not completely bright white and ugly. Someone had taken great care to place a few photos, posters, and even a Gryffindor banner on the wall. As I glanced around the room, I spotted one of the photos resting on the nightstand. The two people were in it, much younger, holding a baby. In the corner, it read ‘The Longbottoms’. I realized these had to be Neville’s parents.

I had only heard rumors about his parents and what happened to them, but I never asked. It was none of my business, that was for sure. I was still curious though, so my eyes cast towards the woman. Her short brown hair was a bit untidy, a few strands of gray starting to speckle her once chestnut colored hair. Her face was similar in shape to Neville’s, kind of long and oval, but warm and motherly, almost like my own mother’s face. Her eyes were hazel though, and something about her seemed off when she spotted me. Her face lit up with a twinkle that nearly confused me. 

My eyes turned to the man in the room, round glasses on his nose with brown hair. His hair contained far more gray then the woman, but his eyes also had something strange about them. If I didn’t know any better, I would think they weren’t all there. That’s when I remembered what floor we were on. Spell damage sometimes did funny things to people, and I heard Lockhart - that git - was on this floor too. It was only when Neville’s mom handed me a candy wrapper that I realized she was loony, and not in the way people called Luna loony.

“Erm, thanks?” I questioned, unsure of what else to say. I had to admit, I really wanted out of there because I felt so awkward, but I also felt sorry for Neville. At least I had parents who were okay, but his parents were definitely anything but okay.

“You’re so pretty.” His mother uttered in a cheery voice that sent a shiver down my spine. I wanted to respond, but nothing came to mind, and Neville chimed in.

“These are my parents, Frank and Alice Longbottom. They were tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange in the First War, protecting me. She used the Cruciatus Curse on them to the point of them losing their sanity. I just wanted you to meet them, to let you know I’m proud to be their son.” I guess I didn’t understand why he would bring me here, but then I realized they had done this for him. He had the opportunity to fight in this war, to do something in response to what happened to them. Not many people ever had the chance to fight back, to get revenge in a sense.

Just as soon as I realized what was going on, then I felt horrible. My stomach churned, and I thought about how awful this all had to be for Neville. He grew up with his grandmother, that much I did know, but to have parents who never truly knew him. They were shells of their former selves, and so Neville never had the opportunity to have their wisdom imparted on him, to ever know who they truly were in their normal state of mind. 

A single tear rolled down my cheek and I glanced at Neville. “Can we please leave now?” I knew I sounded selfish, but I couldn’t help it.

Without another word, Neville nodded and helped me walk out of the room. I was still a bit unsteady, but he still held his grip on me. As we walked back though, he asked me something I would never forget. “Are you ashamed of my parents, afraid or something?” 

I shook my head slowly, just in case it decided to start throbbing again from the injury I obtained. “No, I’m not. I just, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine not having my parents, but to know they’re in a state like that. It can’t be easy. I guess I just don’t understand why you had me meet them.” I sighed, rambling a bit because I had no idea what to say to all of this. I learned a lot more about Neville in five minutes than I probably knew about Savannah in an entire year.

“Because, I trust you. I knew you wouldn’t judge, and I like you. I guess that’s all I can really think of, to be honest.” Neville shrugged, apparently not having a better explanation then what I thought.

As we finally made it back to my room, I sat down on my bed with a thud and was thankful for the comfortable bed. The walk had tired me out, but it was good for me too. I felt a bit better, but he had taken me across half of the floor, and with everything I learned, I was a bit exhausted. Laying back in the bed, I covered up, if only to hide this horrible ugly white gown with light blue spots. What on earth were they thinking?

To my surprise, Neville did not leave yet. He sat down on the edge of my bed for a change and I smiled. At least he had finally let me in enough to know something more about him. Perhaps he really did care about me. He placed his hand over top of mine and smiled back at me faintly. “By the way, my Gran has told me to ask your parents and you over for Christmas day. She thinks with everything that has happened, it would be nice.” Neville mentioned and I was instantly surprised. I had never met his Gran, although it could have been just sympathy too, or her realizing her grandson liked a girl if he had brought me up in conversation or letters. Then again, with how often he had been visiting, she probably knew that way.

“It’s kind of lonely during the holidays with just Gran and myself. We usually visit my parents, but I have already done that, a bit more often lately. I’d really like it if you came. I spoke to your parents and they said they would come if you wanted to.” A twinkle of hope glinted in Neville’s eyes and I nodded carefully once more. How could I turn him down? I had lost my best friend, Luna, and things were becoming rather dark and scary. This could be my last Christmas for all I knew, not that I wanted to think about that in too much depth.

“Of course I will go.” I agreed and smiled once more, closing my eyes. I was tired and needed to rest before they sent me home within the next couple of days. At least I had Neville for now. As I drifted off to sleep, the smile on my face dissipated. I felt uneasy about something, as if this brief moment of happiness I shared with him would soon mean nothing. Maybe I was just being paranoid and displacing my upset over losing Savannah. Either way, I pushed the thoughts from my mind and let sleep take me.


End file.
